SIKH FAMILIES, WOMEN AND RITES OF PASSAGE

SIKH IDEAS ABOUT FAMILY

In villages in the Punjab, Sikhs often live in extended family dwellings with households often including several brothers and their wives and children. This means that houses can get crowded but there are also lots of people around to share the duties of child rearing. In urban areas, domestic units are usually smaller and nuclear families are the norm. Rules for inheritance generally follow those for land tenure. Inheritance is passed down to the sons of the owner or patriarch. [Source: Louis E. Fenech, “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Hockings, 1992 |~|]

In rural area, children are reared by the mother and other females within the extended family. Well-to-do urban families often employ an ayaha or full-time or part-time care givers. Within villages children are generally educated at village schools and visit gurdwara (Sikh temples) for religious education. |~|

Rejecting the ascetic pathway of Hindus, Sikhism found Guru Nanak emphasized the way of the householder as the ideal pattern of life for those seeking liberation. His successors also upheld this ideal of family life, both in their teachings and personal lives. The third Guru, Amar Das, said: "Family life is superior to ascetic life in sectarian garb because it is from householders that ascetics meet their needs by begging" (Adi Granth, p. 586). To completely understand how Sikh families work, one also has understand Sikh views on gender and caste.

Sikh Views About Sex

Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh wrote:“Though heterosexuality and homosexuality are not explicitly addressed, sexuality is regarded as an important aspect of humanity and spirituality. Celibacy and asceticism that disparage the body and sex are rejected. Male Sikh gurus do not repress or stunt themselves in male-female dualisms, and they express their love for the Divine from a female perspective. They openly identify with her, and trace the Transcendent as both father and mother, male and female. [Source: Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh, “Encyclopedia of Sex and Gender: Culture Society History, Thomson Gale, 2007]

Pashaura Singh wrote: “The Ten Gurus “condemned both women and men alike who did not observe the cultural norms of modesty and honor in their lives. In this context, the images of immoral woman and unregenerate man are frequently encountered in the scriptural texts. There is thus no tolerance for any kind of premarital or extramarital sexual relationships. In particular, Guru Nanak was deeply anguished over the rape of women when Babur's army invaded India in 1526. He employs the Punjabi phrase "stripping of one's honor" to describe the rape of women by the Mughal army. In fact, rape is regarded as a violation of women's honor in the Punjabi culture. It amounts to the loss of family honor, which in turn, becomes the loss of one's social standing in the community. The notion of family honor is intimately linked with the status of women in Punjabi society. [Source: Pashaura Singh, “International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family”, The Gale Group Inc., 2003]

The transvestites that work the red light district in Bombay reportedly cater mostly to Sikhs.

Kinship Among Sikhs

In the Punjab, family life revolves around broad kinship relationships. Each individual belongs to a joint family, a biradari (brotherhood), a got (exogamous group), and a zat (endogamous group). Like most other Indians, Sikhs are endogamous by caste (zat) and exogamous by subcaste (got). This means they may marry within the same caste but not within the same subcaste. [Source: “Pashaura Singh, “International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family”, The Gale Group Inc., 2003]

Descent is typically patrilineal (through the male family line). In Punjabi society's patriarchal structures, cultural norms of honor (izzat) and modesty significantly influence family relationships. The Ten Gurus of Sikhism used the term pati to refer to a person's essence and this concept included their honor, self-respect, and social standing. [Source: Pashaura Singh, “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, Thomson Gale, 2006]

Sikhs have a wide variety of terms for kin. Elder and younger brothers and sisters all have unique terms to describe them, while kin outside the immediate family are named according to whether they are on the mother's or the father's side. Generally this system is bifurcate collateral — which differentiates the uncles and aunts both from parents and from each other. Dada and dadi are the paternal grandparents, respectively, while mama and marni are the maternal grandfather and grandmother. Friends of the family or co-villagers are also designated as either "aunties" or "uncles." [Source: Louis E. Fenech, “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Hockings, 1992]

Women in Sikhism

Women are educated and regarded as equals to men in the Sikh religion. Women can become the Sikh equivalents of priests. Although they were male, the Ten Sikh Gurus that defined Sikhism in 15th through 18th century emphasized gender equality and rejected prevalent customs of sati (widow burning) and purdah (veiling), and notions of pollution associated with women's bodies. [Source: Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh, “Encyclopedia of Sex and Gender: Culture Society History, Thomson Gale, 2007]

Pashaura Singh wrote: “The issue of gender has received a great a deal of attention within the Sikh Panth. It is notable that the Sikh Gurus offered a vision of gender equality within the Sikh community and took practical steps to foster respect for womanhood. They were ahead of their times when they championed the cause of equal access for women in spiritual and temporal matters. Guru Amar Das abolished the customs among women of the veil and of sati (self-immolation) and permitted the remarriage of widows. He further appointed women as Sikh missionaries. Indeed, Sikh women were given equal rights with men to conduct prayers and other ceremonies in gurdwaras. [Source: Pashaura Singh, “International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family”, The Gale Group Inc., 2003]

The Gurus Of Sikhism addressed the issues of gender within the parameters set by traditional patriarchal structures. In their view, an ideal woman plays the role of a good daughter or sister, a good wife and good mother within the context of family life. Guru Nanak raised a strong voice against the position of inferiority assigned to women in society at the time: "From women born, shaped in the womb, to woman betrothed and wed; we are bound to women by ties of affection, on women man's future depends. If one woman dies he seeks another; with a woman he orders his life. Why then should one speak evil of women, they who give birth to kings?" (Adi Granth, p. 473). He sought to bring home the realization that the survival of the human race depended upon women, who were unjustifiably ostracized within society.

Equality for Women in Sikhism

Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh wrote: The sacred verse of the gurus and the institutions they created aspired for an egalitarian world without hierarchies of caste, class, sect, race, or sex. Sikh gurus promote gender equality in numerous ways. Their poetic utterances (Sikh scripture, called Guru Granth) form the center of Sikh philosophy, ethics, and rituals. By designating the Divine as numeral One at the very outset, Sikh scripture discards centuries-old images of male dominance and power. It opens the way to experiencing the Transcendent One in a female modality: The ontological ground of all existence is mata, the Mother; the divine spark within all creatures is joti, the feminine light; the soul longing to unite with the Transcendent One is suhagan, the beautiful young bride; the benevolent glance coming from the Divine is the feminine nadar, grace.[Source: Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh, “Encyclopedia of Sex and Gender: Culture Society History, Thomson Gale, 2007]

“From the very origins there is no sex-based apartheid in Sikhism. Men and women can participate equally in the fundamental Sikh institutions of seva (voluntary labor), langar (community meal in which everybody cooks together and eats), and sangat (congregation). Single women, married women, and widows are equally welcome to participate in all spheres of life. There is no priesthood in Sikhism. |~|

“Both Sikh men and women wear five symbols of their Sikh identity: kesha (untrimmed hair), kangha (comb to keep the hair tidy), kara (bracelet), kirpan (small sword), and kacha (long underwear). Whereas Sikh men wear turbans to cover their uncut hair, Sikh women have their hair either neatly braided or put up in a bun and wear their distinctive long sheer scarves (dupattas). Both men and women have their hair covered in the presence of their holy book. Sikh men have the last name Singh, meaning lion; Sikh women have the last name Kaur, meaning princess, which remains the same whether they are married or unmarried, thus freeing them from the lineage of fathers and husbands. The first name can be the same for men and women; Singh and Kaur mark their gender. The gurus denounced conventional taboos against menstrual blood and blood of parturition. Images of conception, gestation, giving birth, and lactation are powerfully present in Sikh sacred verse. |~|

Discrimination and Violence Against Sikh Women

Doctrinally, women enjoy complete equality in Sikhism, but in actual practice they are have yet to achieve equal representation within various Sikh organizations — and sometimes in daily life. Boys have traditionally been more desired than girls and they still often remains the case today. In the 1990s and 2000s, the use of ultrasound in abortion of girl fetuses was very high in the Punjab, where many Sikhs live. In the 2001 Census of India, the Sikh communities had the lowest ratio of females to males of any religious community in India. Female infanticide is said to be a problem.The Sikh clergy has threatened to excommunicate anyone involved in female infanticide.

Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh wrote: The sacred verse of the gurus and the institutions they created aspired for an egalitarian world without hierarchies of caste, class, sect, race, or sex. Nevertheless, because history and exegesis have primarily been the domain of male elites, Sikh scriptural ideals and institutions have neither been fully understood nor practiced by the Sikh community. As a result gender, sex, and sexuality remain extremely complex and convoluted issues for Sikhism.

According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Cultures and Daily Life”: “In Sikh society women are treated very much as they are by Hindus and Sikh women face many of the same issues as are found in Hindu society. The ratio of men and women in Punjab is so out of balance that young, light-skinned girls from poor areas such as Nepal are being brought to the Punjab where they are sold as wives to wealthy peasant farmers. [Source: D. O. Lodrick, “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Cultures and Daily Life”, Cengage Learning, 2009 *]

“Women cannot participate in Panj Piaray and other Sikh rituals and the way they are treated by men certainly belies their theoretical "equality." Only in 2005 did the religious promotion and affairs committee of the Shiromani Gurudwara Prabandhak Committee (SGPC) — the governing body for Sikh shrines — decide that Sikh women would be allowed to perform kirtan (singing hymns) and palki sewa (carrying the Sikh holy book Guru Granth Sahib in a palanquin) on religious occasions, a decision that caused an outcry in the Sikh community. *\

It is not uncommon for Sikh women to be subjected to physical and sexual abuse by their husbands. Honor killings have been practiced by Sikhs. In a celebrated case in 2000, the mother of Sikh girl ordered hired killers to slit her daughter’s throat in a Punjabi village. The girl — a Canadian citizen who lived in Vancouver — was a member of a powerful Jat Sikh family. Her crime was marrying a poor rickshaw driver from her mother’s village.

Sikh Lifecycle Events

Sikhs generally avoid ritual, though they do have four rites of passage — 1) name giving, 2) amrit initiation, 3) marriage, and 3) death —that they hold dear. A rite of passage for adolescent boys undergoing te amrit initiation and is learning to tie the turban, which can be 15 feet (4.5 meters) in length. The process is difficult, and it can take years for a young man to learn to tie his turban well. [Source: “World Religions Reference Library”, Thomson Gale, 2007 ++]

The central feature of the key life-cycle rituals is always the Guru Granth Sahib, the scripture serving as Guru. The wedding ceremony consists of readings from the Granth Sahib and the binding of the couple with a saffron-colored scarf by the bride's father. The couple circles the Granth Sahib four times as the congregation (group of worshippers) sings hymns. The fourth time around, the congregation throws flower petals at the couple, and the service is complete. ++

Well into the 20th century many Sikhs followed Hindu customs for birth, marriage, and death ceremonies, including readings from Hindu scriptures and the employment of Brahmans as officiants. Reform movements within the Sikh community have purged many of these customs, substituting instead readings from the Guru Granth Sahib as the focus for rituals and the employment of Sikh ritual specialists. At major public events — weddings, funerals, or opening a new business — patrons may fund a reading of the entire Guru Granth Sahib by special reciters. [Source: Library of Congress]

Sikh Weddings and Funerals

Sikh weddings are frequently elaborate affairs, particularly in India. Weddings are often arranged by the couple's families, though the couple is required to consent to the marriage. Often, an engagement party called a kurmaj is held a week before the wedding. The wedding ceremony itself, called Anand Karaj, takes place either in a gurdwara or in the home of the bride or groom, anywhere a copy of the Granth Sahib is present. Brides are elaborately dressed, with a great deal of jewelry on their hands; grooms are typically covered with flowers.

Sikh dead are cremated although burial is permitted. During the funeral the evening hymn is sung. . The dead body is carried on a stretcher by the closest male relatives and friends of the family to the funeral grounds, where it is cremated. As customary from ancient times, the pyre is lighted by the oldest son. Afterward, The Guru Granath is often read from beginning to end by members of deceased’s family, a ritual which generally lasts from seven to ten days. Ashes are usually placed in the nearest river. [Source: D. O. Lodrick, “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Cultures and Daily Life”, Cengage Learning, 2009 *]

Sikh Name Giving Ceremony

The birth of a boy or a girl is welcomed among the Sikhs. After a baby is born, the entire family visits the gurdwara with traditional offerings of money, sweets, and a rumala, a piece of brocade or silk for the Granth. When a child is named, the family takes the baby to the gurdwara and offers karah prashad (sanctified food).

Sikh children are named in consultation with the Sikh holy book — the Guru Granth. When performing the naming ceremony, a reader (either a family member or an official reader) gently opens the Guru Granth at random while the spine of the book rests on the cushions. The child is given a name that begins with the first letter appearing at the top of the left-hand page where the Guru Granth opens. It is important to note that Sikhs do not have different names for boys and girls. To indicate the gender of the child, the name Kaur or Singh is added. The child also receives their first kara, a steel bracelet. The central activities include reciting kirtan (hymns of praise), reading from the Guru Granth, reciting ardas (the daily prayer), and partaking in langar. These activities are central to all Sikh rites of passage. [Source: Louis E. Fenech, “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Hockings, 1992 |~|]

The process of using the Guru Granth to provide the first letter of the name is called vak laina (divine command). According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”: The underlying principle is that the child derives his or her identity from the Guru's word and begins life as a Sikh. To a boy's chosen name the surname Singh (Lion) is added, and to a girl's chosen name Kaur (Princess) is added. In some cases, however, particularly in North America, people employ caste names (for example, Ahluwalia, Dhaliwal, Grewal, Kalsi, Sawhney, or Sethi) as the last element, and for them Singh and Kaur become middle names. In addition, the infant is administered sweetened water that is stirred with a sword, and the first five stanzas of Guru Nanak's Japji are recited. [Source: Pashaura Singh,“Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, Thomson Gale, 2006]

Amrit Initiation of the Khalsa Sikhs

Technically, Sikhs are not born Sikhs but are baptized into the religion through an initiation ceremony (amrit sanskar) that includes readings from the Granth, an explanation of the principles of the Sikh faith, and the ritual preparation and consumption of amrit (nectar or sugar water). After the initiation, initiates are expected to always possess the five "Ks" of Sikhism — the five symbols Guru Gobind Singh instructed his Khalsa to wear: uncut hair (kesa), a comb in the hair (kanga), a steel bracelet (kara), a sword (kirpan), and shorts (kachha). [Source: D. O. Lodrick, “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Cultures and Daily Life”, Cengage Learning, 2009 *]

No particular age is prescribed for amrit initiation. It may be as soon as a boy or a girl is old enough to be able to read the scripture and comprehend the articles of the Sikh faith. Usually it takes place when the initiate is and adolescent. The initiation is open to everyone. According to the Rahit Maryada, "Any man or woman of whatever nationality, race, or social standing, who is prepared to accept the rules governing the Sikh community, has the right to receive amrit initiation." It follows the pattern established by Guru Gobind Singh in Anandpur on Baiskahi 1699, when the guru and his wife prepared amrit. Five men from different castes then sipped it from the same bowl, purifying themselves of all mental constraints. This ended, it is said, centuries of hereditary oppression based on caste, class, and profession. [Source: Louis E. Fenech, “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Hockings, 1992]

The initiation ceremony for a Sikh must take place in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib. Five Khalsa Sikhs, representing the collectivity of the original Cherished Five (panj piare), conduct the ceremony. According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices: Each recites from memory one of the five liturgical prayers while stirring the sweetened water (amrit) with a double-edged sword. The novice then drinks the amrit five times so that his body is purified from the influence of five vices, and five times the amrit is sprinkled on his eyes to transform his outlook toward life. Finally, the amrit is poured on his head five times to sanctify his hair so that he will preserve his natural form and listen to the voice of conscience. Throughout each of the procedures the Sikh being initiated formally takes the oath by repeating the following declaration: Vahiguru Ji Ka Khalsa! Vahiguru Ji Ki Fateh! (Khalsa belongs to the Wonderful Lord! Victory belongs to the Wonderful Lord!). Thus, a person becomes a Khalsa Sikh through the transforming power of the sacred word. At the conclusion of the ceremony a vak (divine command) is given, and karah prashad is distributed. [Source: Pashaura Singh, “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, Thomson Gale, 2006]

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Text Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Times of London, Lonely Planet Guides, Library of Congress, Ministry of Tourism, Government of India, Compton’s Encyclopedia, The Guardian, National Geographic, Smithsonian magazine, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, AP, AFP, Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic Monthly, The Economist, Foreign Policy, Wikipedia, BBC, CNN, and various books, websites and other publications.

Last updated December 2023