WEDDINGS IN THE PHILIPPINES

Filipino wedding

Weddings in the Philippines are usually held at the local Catholic church in towns or cities or the barrio chapel in villages after the couple receives a wedding license from the local town hall and consults with the local parish priest. Elopement and only town hall civil ceremonies are rare. On her wedding day, the bride and her family lead a procession to the church. The bride and groom are married in a Catholic ceremony and mass, presided over by a priest. The bride’s father gives the bride away and the bride and groom are sponsored by their godfather and godmother. After the ceremony is over all the participants, including the priest, gather for photographs. [Source: Jose Florante J. Leyson, M.D., Encyclopedia of Sexuality, 2001, Shu Shu Costa, weddingsatwork.com, Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com, kasal.com]

Engagement traditionally precedes marriage in the Philippines. Among wealthy and middle-class families, betrothals are often celebrated with elaborate parties, while lower-income families may mark the occasion more simply with a handshake or a drink of local wine. Engagements and weddings are generally joyful community events, though issues of family honor can strongly influence reactions to perceived betrayal. In rare cases, violations of expectations surrounding fidelity and family reputation have triggered extreme responses within communities where honor and shame remain powerful social values.

Many elements of Filipino weddings reflect Western influence. The church ceremony follows Catholic traditions introduced during Spanish rule, while features such as the best man, bridesmaids, and ushers come from American wedding practices.In rural areas, weddings often reflect the spirit of bayanihan, or communal cooperation. Friends, relatives, and neighbors work together to prepare the celebration, helping cook food, build temporary structures, and organize the festivities that accompany the ceremony and reception. These cooperative preparations can last for days and highlight the strong community involvement surrounding marriage. In the early 2000s, the Philippine tourism department even promoted the country as a destination for foreigners wishing to hold weddings there.

Religious wedding ceremonies in the Philippines resemble those in the United States but typically include numerous sponsors. Principal sponsors—often respected friends or relatives—serve as witnesses and supporters of the couple and may also contribute financially to the celebration. Traditionally, the groom’s family covered most wedding expenses, though modern weddings increasingly divide costs between both families. For couples with limited resources, a civil ceremony performed by a judge or other authorized official provides a simpler alternative.

Pre-Wedding Traditions in the Philippines

December wedding at the Manila Cathedral in the Philippines.

In the Philippines, marriage is primarily the personal choice of a man and a woman, but strong kinship ties mean that families often play an important role in the process. It is customary for a young man to seek the approval of the woman’s parents even before formal courtship begins. This stage of courtship, known as umaakyat ng bahay (literally “house-calling”), reflects the traditional expectation that relationships should develop with the knowledge and involvement of both families. Although romantic relationships outside this framework occur, many people still prefer the conventional system because marriage is seen as a union not only of two individuals but also of two families. Once children are born and the compadrazco (godparent) system is established, the ties between families become even stronger.[Source: “Culture Shock!: Philippines” by Alfredo Roces and Grace Roces, Marshall Cavendish International, 2010]

A traditional step before the wedding is the pamanhikan, a formal visit in which the groom and his parents ask the bride’s family for her hand in marriage. During this meeting, the families often discuss wedding plans, including the guest list and budget. Another older custom, paninilbihan, involves the groom performing services or errands for the bride’s family as a way of demonstrating sincerity and earning their approval. Historically, a spear thrown at the bride’s house symbolized a claim of engagement, but today an engagement ring serves this role.

During the pamanhikan. the couple typically remains quiet while the elders discuss the arrangements. This stage highlights the importance of family participation and respect for parental authority. Wedding preparations are often complex because both families are deeply involved and may have different ideas about how the celebration should take place. Traditionally, the groom’s parents shoulder most of the wedding expenses, so their opinions carry considerable weight. Discussions cover the number of guests, the venue, the sponsors, and other details, although the couple may express their own preferences. It is important that both families begin their relationship on good terms.

Among middle- and upper-class families, the prospective groom usually gives the woman an engagement ring, and the size and quality of the stone often become a topic of conversation. The presentation of the ring marks the beginning of the engagement period, which may last from several weeks to much longer. During this time, several social gatherings take place. The bride’s family hosts a despedida de soltera (farewell to maidenhood), a dinner that allows both families to become better acquainted. This tradition reflects Spanish influence. Friends of the bride may also organize a bridal shower, a custom borrowed from American culture, where female friends present gifts such as kitchen utensils and household items. Kitchen, bathroom or bedroom showers are informal showers. Kitchen shower are most common.Guests bring presents that are used in the kitchen. Appropriate presents for bathroom showers are towels, soap, soap dishes and other bathroom accessories. Presents for bedroom showers include are bedsheets, pillowcases and nighties. Later, when the couple has their first child, friends may hold a baby shower to celebrate the new arrival.

Making Arrangements for a Filipino Wedding

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In rural areas at least, after the parents becomes aware of their daughter's desire to marry – that is, if they approve of the man – the prospective groom's family will be given notice of the date set for the "bulungan" – the traditional meeting of the two families, to discuss the nitty-gritty of the wedding. On a day designated by the girl's family, vehicles are borrowed and hired, jeepneys, vans or tricycles, to transport the retinue of relatives, friends and neighbors – thirty or more is not an unusual number. The party brings with them the food for that event, usually a noodle dish and soup, the necessary libations, lambanog or gin. and in the tradition of "Taob and Pamingalan," every item of silverware that will be used in the sharing of the small feast. [Source: Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com /]

Awaiting their arrival is a small crowd of the girl's relatives, family friends, and neighbors. On arriving, the man presents himself to the girl's parents, kneels and gets the "blessing" of the elders. Sometimes, the prospective groom presents a big bundle of chopped wood to the girl's parents, which he takes to the house's crawl space or someplace close to the entrance. In times past, this bundle of wood is kept stored and unused, as some remembrance; in more recent times, it's firewood, sooner than later. /

By tradition, the elders choose the date for the wedding. Certain dates are avoided; the waning of the moon or a Friday. Almost always, a Saturday is chosen. When the date is set and agreements and compromises made, the table is set for a simple meal to be shared by the families and friends. In the tradition of "taob ang pamingalan" – not a single piece of kitchen- and silverware of the girl's family is used. Instead, the meal will be served using utensils – dishes, silverware, cups, glasses, ladles – brought over by the prospective groom's family. However, there is the traditional "game" of someone from both sides families trying to "lift" or "steal" an item from each other, preferably a kitchen or silverware item. A gatang (a wooden measuring cup used to measure rice), kawot, siyansi or sipit are preferred trophy items of appropriation. The art is in accomplishing it without getting caught, which becomes much easier as the gin or lambanog fuels the gathering into easy conversations, familiarity, laughter and distraction. Days later, the items lost or missed are identified, but there is never any serious effort to recover them, but rather, amused incredulity as to who did it and when and how it was pulled off. /

Guidelines for Filipino Weddings

Reservations must be made as early as possible and no later than three months before the wedding. Offering: P17,000.00 (without airconditioning) or P22,500.00 (with airconditioning). The offering covers: 1) The wedding ceremony within the Holy Mass. 2) The registration forms, marriage certificate, use of the center aisle red carpet 3) Nuptial and unity candles and booklets (for the couple only). 4) Flowers at the center aisle and around the altar. Optional: 1) P 500.00 fee for electrical/photographic devices (battery chargers, video lights, photo/video equipment, etc.); 2) P1,000.00 fee for curtains for main entrance glass doors; 3) P3,000.00 fee for curtains for entire church's glass doors. [Source: sjbmakati.com]

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Requirements1) A non-refundable deposit of P2,000.00; 2) Updated Baptismal Certificates of the couple (issued within six months before the wedding), with the specification ‘For Marriage Purposes Only’; 3) Marriage license. (You may get a marriage license from any city/municipality two months before the wedding. Note: a marriage license is only valid for 120 days from the date of issue); 4) Confirmation certificate (Kumpil); 5) Our Parish Office will give you the following forms: a) Banns and Permit forms for the bride. (The bride’s parish priest will be asked to give his permission for her to marry outside her parish. The Banns will be posted in her parish for three consecutive Sundays.); b) Banns form for the groom. (The Banns will be posted in his parish for three consecutive Sundays.); 6) The following must be submitted two weeks before the wedding date: a) Marriage License; b) Reply letters (Banns and Permit) from the respective parishes of the bride and groom; c) Confirmation Certificates; d) Full names of principal sponsors; e) Settlement of the wedding-fee balance. Failure to complete these requirements will mean the cancellation of the wedding date.

Appointments: Couples will be with other couples during these activities. The appointments are: 1) Canonical Interview; 2) Marriage Counseling; 3) Marriage Preparation Seminar; 4) Confession and Rehearsal (couple only). Regulations1) Failure to attend Marriage Counseling on the appointed date without informing the office ahead of time will result in the cancellation of the wedding date. 2) Only a nuptial booklet approved by the National Liturgical Commission may be used during the wedding. 3) A guest priest invited to solemnize the wedding must present his “celebret” (a document that guarantees his good standing in his Archdiocese) and photocopy of the certificate of renewal of registration, and authority to solemnize marriage). 4) Parish clearance is given only to individuals 21 years old and above. 5) The ceremony will start exactly on time. 6) Guest singers are recommended to bring along their own organist or instrumentalists. 7) Ring and coin bearers and flower girls should be at least five years old. 8) The mother of the bride will receive the marriage certificate, together with the nuptial/unity candles and booklet, right after the wedding. 9) Showering of flowers, rice, confetti, etc… is not allowed inside the church. However, this is allowed outside the church, at the church entrance. 10) Only the members of the entourage are encouraged to join the pictorial. 11) Church personnel and not the wedding coordinators are allowed to make the arrangements in the church. 12) Proper church decorum is strictly observed. Ladies (bride, mothers, bridal entourage, sponsors, guests, etc.) are expected to dress properly and decently. Ladies wearing dresses with plunging/revealing necklines or backless attires are not allowed to enter the church. To avoid any embarrassing situation, the bride and the groom should warn their entourage, sponsors, guests, etc. beforehand. 13) A P5,000.00 “punctuality” deposit is required. This is refundable on the condition that the wedding ceremony starts on the scheduled time. This means that: (a) the bridal entourage arrives earlier than the scheduled time for the wedding; and (b) the wedding ceremony starts on the scheduled time. The church clock at the church entrance determines the scheduled time.

Before Wedding Events in the Philippines (Likod-Likod)

On the first day of a traditional three-day wedding, the bride and groom, borne on separate processions, were brought to the house of the babaylan (priest), who joined their hands over a plate of raw rice and blessed them. The party then repaired to the arbor for feasting well until the following day.

The dowry having been agreed upon by the two sets of parents—and made good by the suitor to the girl’s parents — -it was time to set the date. Three days before the day, relatives of the bride and the groom assembled at the house where it was to be celebrated, there to set up a palapala, or trellis, for the reception. A pre-party, one might say, for merrymaking was the order in the three-day clan preparation. [Source: Alvina, C. & Sta. Maria, F. 1987. Essays on Philippine Culture, kasal.com ^]

Special festivities are held in connection with the eve of the wedding (likod-likod) with the main purpose of stimulating friendship and good will between the families of the two contracting parties. Another objective is to commemorate the last day before the couple share a wedded life together. The parents of both bride and groom address each other in the familiar terms, "Pare" (for the fathers) and "Mare" (for the mothers). Aside from bearing all expenses for the feast, the boy’s kinsmen take care of entertaining and serving the guests, especially the bride’s circle of relatives and close friends. There is a plentiful supply of food and drinks, music and merry-making. Great precaution is taken that nothing unpleasant happens, that all visitors are pleased and well fed, and that the provisions are not exhausted. An unruffled, bounteous feast presages luck and happiness for the nuptial day. [Source: kasal.com ^]

A woman expert is oftentimes asked to take charge of dishing out the rice and viands on big plates (bandejados). She utters certain invocations as she scoops out the rice with a coconut ladle (luwag), to make sure that the food will be sufficient for the feast. A shortage would put the groom’s family to shame and predict failure for the marriage celebrations. The betrothed pair takes part in the festivities, which may last till the late hours of the night, but the parents see to it that they retire early. ^

Bilik and Tulungan in a Filipino Rural Wedding

Three days before the wedding, the groom's family puts together a group of men and proceeds to the bride's house for the construction of the bilik – a temporary structure that consists of the welcome-entrance arch and a covered area –measuring from 100 to 150 sq meters– that will be divided into two: a smaller one that will serve as the kitchen for the slaughtering and cleaning of livestock, cooking and other essential food preparations; and a bigger area, to serve as the dining and dance area. [Source: Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com ]

The arch is made of bamboo, from about 50 pieces of posts hewn down the day before in an effort that requires about 10 people. Like much of the preparations, the budget and family stations determine the simplicity or ornateness of the bilik, from a minimum of trimmings and ribbons to one colorfully decorated with flowers and ornaments, and painted with a chosen color motif. The dance-and-dining and kitchen space are covered by tarps tied to bamboo posts and strung to the ground. The construction will take up most of the day in a continuing buzz of jovial excitement and bayanihan.

Two days before the wedding, the households of both the bride's and groom's become abuzz with the cooking of suman and kalamay. The rural tradition is for both delicacies to be prepared: suman, with the coconut milk, and kalamay with the sticky rice. The activity starts at seven in the morning and finishes around 10 in the evening, by then, the arms tired from the mashing and stirring, tongues tired from talking. Usually, two stirrers are used, and rather than scrapping them off clean, they are wrapped and tied facing each other to be opened in four days. [Source: Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com]

Mamamaysan in a Filipino Rural Wedding

Finally, the mamaysan day arrives. At the break of dawn, the groom's family is abuzz, preparing the sundry of things that will be hauled to the bride's place. Vehicles are borrowed and hired –jeeps, jeepneys, tricycles–to haul the kith-kin-and-caboodle, literally. Kin, friends, neighbors, wedding attire, bridal gown, pots, pans, plates, utensils, are crammed inside and atop the vehicles. A single pig will fit in a tricycle. A few pigs, for the occasion of a grander wedding, will need an elf or jeepney. The side of the vehicles is decorated with fresh fronds of coconut leaves. The jeepney is loaded with passengers to the rooftop, and although illegal, the coconut fronds identify it as a wedding vehicle, and local police usually just turn their heads away. [Source: Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com ]

Arriving at the bride's house, welcoming starts with the "tasting of the kalamay." Each side tastes the others' kalamay' concoction, with the usual exchange of praise as to whose tastes better. Meanwhile, the bridal gown is taken to a designated room in the house; no fitting is allowed for fear that the wedding might not happen.

The kitchen has started to buzz alive. Preparations slow to start, pick up into full swing. On one end of the bilik, a pig is being slaughtered. The blood is collected for the preparation of the "dinuguan" dish which will be the traditional dinner entree. The rest of the pig will be divided and amounts allotted for the preparation of other foods for the traditional wedding feast: embotido (finely chopped meat), apritada (catsup based) and menudo (pineapple based). And if the pig meat supply will afford, the additional dishes of ginulayan (milk), pochero (banana) , sinantomas (bone-based) and rebosado (fried pigskin in batter).

Hapunan (dinner) is served with the dinuguan as main dish. Afterwards, the tables are cleared and pushed aside, transforming the dining area into a dance floor. An emcee, microphone in hand, starts the proceedings of the "sabitan." As the bride and groom start dancing, the emcee calls out the parents and guests and one by one they come up to hang money in denominations of 20 to 1000 pesos, pinning it on the backs of the bride and groom, from the shoulders and downwards. When it is close to reaching the ground, the connected money bills are removed and rolled up and a new pining is started. About 50 percent of the guests pin some money. For the emcee, it is great fun time announcing the amount of the "sabit" with off-color all-in-fun commentaries of how little or how generous the pinned amount was. When everyone has been tapped, the "sabit" money is put on a white handkerchief and given to the groom's mother for safe-keeping. The guests then join in the dancing. and eventually, when the feet tire of dancing, the karaoke is turned on, and singing and drinking continue into the early morning hours.

Filipino Wedding Clothes

The white wedding dress has become popular in the last hundred years or so with America’s influence in the Philippines. Before that, brides wore their best dress, in a festive color or even stylish black, to celebrate a wedding. Orange blossom bouquets and adornments were a must during the turn of the last century. For men, the barong tagalog is the traditional Filipino formal wear. It is a cool, almost transparent, embroidered shirt, made from silky pina or jusi, two native ecru fabrics. It is worn untucked, over black pants, with a white t-shirt underneath. These days, a Filipino American groom might wear the conventional black tux, but Filipino male wedding guests will usually show up in their finest barongs. [Source: Shu Shu Costa, weddingsatwork.com]

The terno—a traditional, long, one-piece Philippine dress with butterfly sleeves— is worn by women at formal occasions—and sometimes at weddings. The terno should be distinguished from such other Filipino dresses as the informal balintawak and the patadyong. Lacking the terno’s svelte sophistication, these rural costumes are worn mainly by barefoot dancers of the tinikling and by carabao-riding maidens in the landscapes of Amorsolo. The terno, on the other hand, goes with the stately grace of the rigodon de honor, flores de mayo processions, coronation nights and the Malacañang Palace. [Source: kasal.com ^]

Jett Pe Benito of kasal.com wrote: “No Filipina bride-to-be could ever resist the elegance of piña, the graceful butterfly sleeves, and the pride brought about by Filipiniana wedding gowns that such style remains to be a traditional and classic favorite.Rajo Laurel and Joel Bautista, two of the country's top designers, share their thoughts on Filipiniana-themed wedding gowns and what makes them a hit with altar-bound Filipinas. Both designers consider our national history to be the crux or root of the origin of the Filipiniana-themed gowns. [Source: Jett Pe Benito, kasal.com ***]

“Laurel believes that these gowns are symbolic of our diverse culture, which stemmed from the various influences we've had in our history. Bautista, on the other hand, believes that the origin of Filipiniana-themed gowns is not unlike that of the barong tagalog, meaning that both began in the Spanish era and both have evolved since then. The Filipiniana wedding gown is not limited to the puffy sleeves and piña cloth. Laurel says that "with geographical culture playing a major part in the themes of our Filipino gowns, (the styles) are derived from the three major islands of our country. These are evident in the different inspirations like colonial, Muslim and ethnic." Current Filipiniana style could be classified into two, adds Laurel. "One would be a gown with an ethnic motif as detail via the interpretation of ikat and other tribal weaves. The other one would be the traditional indigenous material cut into modern silhouettes."***

“For Bautista, the most familiar versions would be the three-piece ensemble (blouse, skirt and pañuelo) with the optional alampay and patadyong, and the terno popularized by the former First Lady Imelda Marcos. However, most brides prefer the three-piece style over the "Imelda terno" because the former is more appealing in style. The three-piece style is also less restricting in terms of height and built. "An "Imelda terno" meanwhile, would look best on a bride who is well-shaped and of considerable height," Bautista says. Both each have their favored materials to work with and their own design considerations. ***

“Laurel likes to mix fabrics to reflect the diversity of the Filipino culture while Bautista favors silk organzas, organdy, jusi, piña silk and pure silk. He has also tried using abaca. Both agree that the Filipiniana style of wedding gowns is here to stay. "I would like to think that the Filipino's pride in getting married is reflective in the designs of her gowns, although this has to be in tune with modern aesthetics," Laurel says. Meanwhile, Bautista offers, "I think it is the gown's national identity that the bride intends to personify within herself that makes a Filipiniana-themed gown a virtuous choice for her wedding." ***

A great favorite among the Filipino brides is ecru, the color of piña and jusi, two delicate native fabrics of gossamer silkiness particularly becoming to the Filipina complexion. In the past century, brides wore daintily embroidered baro (blouse) atop a Maria Clara skirt with interlarded panels of richly colored silk. The white wedding dress only came to the Philippines with the Americans, gaining popularity in the Twenties, along with bridal showers, Lohengrin wedding march, wedding cakes and June weddings. [Source: Alvina, C. & Sta. Maria, F. 1987. Essays on Philippine Culture, kasal.com ^]

Filipino Wedding Traditions: Candles, Coins, Veil and Cord

Filipino Weddings reflect the strong traditions of family (& extended family) and symbolism. Filipino wedding ceremonies typically involve many people, and the wedding rituals typically "speak" to the couple personally. Traditional Filipino Catholic wedding customs include candles, coins, a veil and cord.

1) Many couples incorporate the unity candle ceremony in the wedding ceremony. The couple, each holding a candle, lights a third slightly larger candle. Some have their parents help in lighting the candle. Couples can blow out the individual flames or all three candles may remain lit throughout the rest of the ceremony. The candles symbolize the Light of Christ, the same light they received at Baptism and now receive again to lead them in their new life as a couple. They also symbolize the wedding ceremony's essence: two people becoming one while retaining their own identities. They are visible symbols of couples' commitments to each other. The lighting of the candles usually takes place at the beginning of the ceremony. One person from each side of the family lights a candle symbolizing God’s presence at the union. Sometimes the couple will then take those lit candles and light a third candle together, signifying that their families are united through them. The third candle is called a "unity candle" and has its origins in the U.S. [Source: mamalisa.com, December 2, 2011, mybarong2.com, kasal.com ]

2) Sometime after the exchange of vows, the groom presents coins to his bride after they have been blessed by the priest. The coins (also known as: Arras [ah-rahs] or Arrhae [ar-rah-heh]) have traditionally symbolized the prosperity that would be shared by the new couple, and the groom's promise to provide for the welfare of the new family. The custom of the groom giving wedding coins comes from Spain. The groom gives the bride 13 coins to symbolize their mutual prosperity. Traditionally, it was like a dowry and thus it also symbolizes his promise to support her and their family. However, today's couples embrace life & face the world together in a more mutually supportive way than ever before. So, the Wedding Coins have come to symbolize the couple's commitment to mutually contributing to their relationship, their children, and their community.

The arras (Spanish for "earnest money") custom is said to come from a Roman custom of breaking gold or silver into equal halves by both parties as a pledge of marriage. The thirteen coins, said to represent Christ and his 12 apostles, symbolize the groom's unquestionable trust and confidence. By giving arras to his bride, he places all his material wealth into her care. Acceptance by the bride means taking that trust unconditionally with total dedication. The arras usually come in ornate boxes or gift trays and represents the bride's dowry as well as good wishes for prosperity. Oftentimes, these coins become part of the family heirloom.

3) The Veil (white) has come to be a symbol of purity. Its original meaning was the symbol of the presence of the Lord, as the cloud was a symbol of His presence. It is placed over the shoulders of the couple to symbolize their union and being "clothed as one" in unity. After the couple has exchanged rings, they kneel side by side. Then two chosen people will take one end of the bride’s veil and drape it over the groom’s shoulders. It signifies that they are dressed for the world as one.

4) The Cord is a symbol of the couple's bond; that indeed they are no longer two but one in their new life as a couple. A white decorative silk cord called a yugal is placed over the couple’s shoulders in the sign of infinity (a sideways figure-eight). It symbolizes everlasting fidelity and signifies that they walk the world as equals. The cord ceremony featuring the yugal is inherited from the Spanish. The yugal or nuptial tie is usually a silken cord or a strand of flowers or coins which the cord sponsors entwine loosely around the necks of the bride and the groom. The yugal is shaped like the number eight, which is said to symbolize the infinity of the bond of marriage.

Filipino Wedding Customs

Great effort is made to keep anything unpleasant or unlucky from happening. The Tagalog regard it as unlucky for the bride and groom to try on their wedding clothes and ring before the wedding ceremony and believe that brothers and sisters should not marry in the same year and older children should get married in sequence before the younger ones. After the wedding ceremony the couple races to the door of the church. Whoever arrives first will be the dominant spouse. Te couples will sometimes step on each other’s toes on the wedding day. Whoever does so first is regarded as the boss. Throwing rice and coins are done to ensure prosperity.

It's considered customary for a bride to carry a handkerchief during her wedding to wipe the tears she must shed before the groom kisses her. Why? It's an old sentiment implying tears shed before a wedding means will not be shed thereafter. If either the man or the woman has an older brother or sister who is still single, it is customary to give a gift of clothing wear to the unmarried sibling, a gesture that is believed to prevent spinsterhood or bachelorhood. [^, Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com]

Before the Philippines was colonized, the wedding ceremony would have the gifts of relatives and friends catalogued—a practice that is slightly reminiscent of our modern gift registry today. Each relative and friend attending the marriage brought some present. This was carefully and accurately logged. For if Pedro gave two kaings of fruit, the same was gifted him or to the next wedding in his house. The gift monies received were used in the pamamahay, or furnishing of the new couple's house. Rich relatives sometimes gave the couple jewelry as a mark of affection. This belonged to the bride and no one else. [Source: kasal.com ^]

Gladys Pinky D. Tolete wrote: “Although there are those who believe that rain on a wedding mean good luck and blessings from above, most Filipino couples wish for a rain-free wedding. To ensure such, chanting "Rain, rain, go away…" would do no good; it is time to offer eggs to the sisters of the Sta. Clara convent along Marcos Highway. Sta. Clara is the patron saint of good weather because "claro" in Spanish also means "unclouded," thus pertaining to fair weather (a cloudless sky). Eggs are offered because "claro" is also believed to refer to the albumen or egg white whose clear consistency is symbolic of a "clear" sky. Do not stop at eggs though, for fruits and other goodies could also be offered to the sisters of Sta. Clara to help you pray for the perfect weather on your big day. [Source: Gladys Pinky D. Tolete, kasal.com]

Ancient Filipino Wedding Customs

Gladys Pinky D. Tolete wrote: “In the early times, Tagalog brides and grooms came from the same social class. Before the wedding, the groom was obliged to offer gifts to his future in-laws this is locally known as the bigaycaya. What comprises the bigaycaya underwent negotiations. The bigaycaya was presented days before the wedding, witnessed by relatives, friends and members of the community. If the in-laws asked for more than what was usual, they might have been required to give the married couple gifts like slaves, gold trinkets, or a piece of land. This is called the pasanor. In addition to the bigaycaya, the groom also paid the bride's mother for taking care of his beloved - this was the pasuso. However, Tagalog weddings then were not permanent. Should the bride wish to remarry, she could return the bigaycaya to the groom. The husband, on the other hand, could forfeit the bigaycaya if he was not satisfied with the marriage, but if they had children, the bigaycaya was passed on to their offspring. [Source: Gladys Pinky D. Tolete, kasal.com ^]

In the time of Urduja—a 15th century warrior princess—it was customary among early Filipinos to marry within their class. Maharlikas married women belonging to the nobility; timaguas (freemen) married the daughters of their peers; and slaves married other slaves. There were no sanctions against classes intermarrying; nevertheless, such cases were rare. When a man intends to ask a girl's hand in marriage, an emissary from the man's family thrust a spear onto the staircase of a girl's house. It was an announcement theatrically clear that she soon would be spoken for. Once set on marrying, the man will call on the village chief and the elders to announce his intention and to name his intended. The chief will then send some of his timaguas to negotiate the marriage. [Source: Alvina, C. & Sta. Maria, F. 1987. Essays on Philippine Culture, kasal.com == ]

Again, going back to the time of Urduja, beside the bigay-kaya, the man was required to make other special compensatory gifts. Such as: a certain sum to the girl's mother (for sleepless nights in rearing her daughter from birth), another sum to her father (who usually asked for a dowry equal to what he had given to the girl's mother), and still another to her wet-nurse (for having fed the bride as an infant with milk from her own breast.) To top it all, if his family could not put up the negotiated dowry, he had to undergo a period of servitude (paninilbihan) in the girl's household until he had earned enough for the wedding. It was also called subok, a test of his love and fortitude. ==

Rice and Philippine Weddings

Gladys Pinky D. Tolete wrote: “Perhaps one of the things that distinguishes Filipinos from other cultures is our immense love for rice. No full meal is ever deemed complete without rice, and rice has been attributed to the rapid formation and development of pre-colonial communities. The country’s landscape is dotted with wide plains of rice paddies. Rice also figures prominently in our wedding practices. During pre-colonial times, handfuls of rice is exchanged between the Filipino couple to solemnize their marriage. Social status was said to be measured by the quantity of rice a family had stored. [Source: Gladys Pinky D. Tolete kasal.com ^]

Nowadays, as the newly-weds step out of the church after the ceremony, they are greeted by showers of rice grains from their well-wishers. This practice traces back to the Middle Ages where the Christians adopted the Jewish practice of throwing handfuls of wheat over a newly-wed couple to insure fertility. Wheat was soon after replaced with rice because the latter was plentiful and less expensive. ^

Aside from "rice showers," there is also another custom involving this so-called grain of life. While preparing for the wedding, the bride-to-be assembles little bags of rice which she saves for herself and her future family. It is believed that these bags represent the future wealth of the family thus the bags are well preserved. Rice has always played an important symbolic role in the Filipino culture – it symbolizes life, generosity, wealth, and in this case, love and a fruitful union. ^

After the Wedding Celebration

Four days after the wedding, in rural areas of the Philippines, newlyweds return to the bride's parents' place, accompanied by a small group of men tasked with the chore of dismantling the bilik. Before leaving the man's house, the stirrers are unwrapped and kalamay is scrapped off the tips and small portions served to both the husband and wife. Arriving at her parents' place, the same unwrapping of the stirrers and sampling of the kalamay is done. The men leave when the bilik is dismantled, the newlyweds usually6 stay behind to spend the night. [Source: Salmagundi, stuartxchange.com ]

In the spirit of the pre-colonial wedding tradition, after the bride has been delivered to her husband in their new house, at this point began a conventionalized ritual probably as contrived as a Kabuki sequence. On seeing her husband waiting for her at the top of the stairs, the bride feigned hesitation, refusing to take another step, until he swore to make her mistress of her new house. After taking a few more steps she again hesitated, until he swore that all his worldly goods were hers. Halfway up she again affected coyness, stopping for the third time, until he vowed to give her happiness and many children. Thus assured, she dropped both her veil and the pose of shyness. Taking his proferred hand, she finally joined the waiting guests in the house at yet another merry feast. [Source: kasal.com ^]

On the third day of a traditional three-day wedding, again before the babaylan, bride and groom performed something of a blood compact. With a thorn the priest pricked their breasts and drew a little blood. He joined their hands and bade them declare, thrice, that they loved each other. He then fed them cooked rice from the same plate and made them drink, from the same singalong (a wooden cup), of the blood drawn from both, mixed with a little water. Binding their hands and necks together with a cord, he declared, "This man is now one with this woman. Let all of you be witnesses to this union." Like the exchange of rings in a Christian ceremony, the couple then gave each other a jewel. This ritual, called talingbuhol, signalled the completion of the wedding and start of yet another round of wedding feasts anywhere from one to two weeks, or for as long as the groom's largesse held out. On the last day of feasting, the bride was ceremoniously bathed by her godmothers and decked again in her wedding finery, solemnly and finally delivered to her husband in their new house. ^

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 5: East/Southeast Asia:” edited by Paul Hockings, 1993; “Culture Shock!: Philippines” by Alfredo Roces and Grace Roces, Marshall Cavendish International, 2010; National Geographic, Live Science, Philippines Department of Tourism, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, Encyclopedia.com, Library of Congress, The Conversation, The New Yorker, Time, BBC, CNN, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Lonely Planet Guides, Google AI, Wikipedia, The Guardian and various websites, books and other publications.

Last updated March 2026