MARRIAGE IN SRI LANKA
Marriage in Sri Lanka is treated as the most important decision an individual can make in his or her life, especially among young women. From the time they are little, girls are raised with the aim of finding a good husband and treating him well once the marriage takes place. Booth arranged marriage and love marriages are common, with around 60 percent of marriages still being arranged. Often times armies or relatives and friends are engaged in the search for prospective mates. [Source: Bambi L. Chapin and Kalinga Tudor Silva, “Countries and Their Cultures”, The Gale Group Inc., 2001]
The vast majority of marriages in Sri Lanka are monogamous, that is, they involve one woman and one man. Unions between one man and more than one woman (polygyny) are neither illegal nor unknown, however, and wealthy men can take several wives if they can afford to support the families. Unions involving one woman and more than one man (polyandry) are also legal and possible. [Source: Russell R. Ross and Andrea Matles Savada, Library of Congress, 1988]
Most marriages in Sri Lanka have traditionally been arranged based on factors as caste, religion, imcome, family status and horoscope. Child marriage is not really an issue in Sri Lanka like it is in other South Asian countries such as India, Nepal and Bangladesh. In Sri Lanka, the trend of postponing marriage until couples are in their late 20s and have jobs has helped lower the population growth rate from 2.6 percent in the 1960s to 1.7 in the 1970s.
Marriage Age and Late Marriages in Sri Lanka
Age at first marriage: 27.6 for men and 23.8 for women (2001, compared to 33.4 for men and 31.2 for women in Finland and 22.1 for men and 17.9 for women on Nepal). Legal Age for marriage: without parental consent: 18 for men and for women.With parental consent 16 for women (2001). [Sources: Wikipedia and Wikipedia ; United Nations Data data.un.org]
The average age at marriage increasing significantly in the 1960s, 70s and 80s because of longer periods required for education and establishing a stable career. In 1981 the average age of grooms was twenty-seven or twenty-eight, and the average age of brides was twenty-four. Betrothals arranged by parents could begin much earlier, and in rural areas marriages between persons in their early teens still occurred. Whatever the arrangements, however, marriage and the propagation of children were the desired state for all groups, and by age thirty-nine, 86 percent of both sexes had married at least once. [Source: Russell R. Ross and Andrea Matles Savada, Library of Congress, 1988 *]
According to the “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”: “Since 1900 and probably earlier, Sri Lankans have practiced “late marriages” relative to India (de Silva, Stiles, and Gibbons 1993). In 1999, the mean marriage age for a Sri Lankan woman was 24.5 years of age and for a man it was 27.9 years of age. Both Sri Lankans and researchers attribute the relative late age of marriage to difficulties in obtaining an adequate dowry for the bride. Brothers are expected to help contribute to the dowry fund and defer their marriages until all their sisters are married. Sisters are also expected to marry in order of their age. Once the family has accrued sufficient dowry funds for the first daughter, they must continue working to accrue a similar dowry for the next daughter. Dowry funds ideally consist of a house, rice paddy land, cash, jewelry, furniture, and other moveable goods. However, while the accumulation of a dowry fund is a family effort and may be a major factor in the late age of marriage, it does not explain why Sri Lankans should marry later than members of other South Asian nations where a dowry is also a prerequisite for most marriages.
“What is unique to Sinhalese dowry practices is that they serve as a form of “pre-death” inheritance in which the dowry is legally transferred to the bride rather than to the groom’s family (Tambiah 1973). McGilvray (1988) and de Munck (1996) also note that the dowry is legally transferred to the bride in Sri Lankan Tamil and Muslim communities, whereas in most of South Asia the dowry is transferred to the groom’s family. In Sri Lanka, the bride retains legal control over the dowry but, on marriage, the groom acquires “proprietary” rights to the dowry funds. Malhotra and Tsui (1999) are correct in noting that relative to the rest of South Asia, there is greater gender equality in Sri Lanka, but part of that has to do with the wife’s control over the dowry fund rather than the late marriages.”
Marriage Laws in Sri Lanka
In the rural areas of Sri Lanka, traditional marriages did not require a wedding ceremony or legal registration of the union. The man and the woman simply started living together, with the consent of their parents (who were usually related to one another). This type of customary marriage still survives, although it has been declining in recent years. In 1946, about 30 percent of marriages in Sri Lanka were not registered, but in 1981 that figure had declined to 10 percent. Most such unions were concentrated along the north and east coasts and in the Central Highlands. [Source: Russell R. Ross and Andrea Matles Savada, Library of Congress, 1988]
Ramani Muttettuwegama wrote: “The area of marriage including the age of marriage, the procedure for a marriage, the registration of marriage and its dissolution either by divorce or through a judicial separation is governed by the Civil Procedure Code (CPC) and the General Marriage Ordinance (GMO). The GMO is applicable to all marriages except those between Muslims. It also contains express provisions regarding the recognition of traditional forms of marriage as being valid. [Source: Ramani Muttettuwegama, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
The law on the matrimonial rights of married persons with regard to property and intestate succession is contained in the Matrimonial Rights and Inheritance Ordinance (MR and IO) read together with the Married Women's Property Act (MWPA). These acts are not applicable to Kandyans, Muslims or people governed by the Thesavalamai.
Under the general law and the Kandyan Law, minimum age of marriage is now 18 years for both males and females. However, under the Muslim law, there is no minimum age although the registration of a marriage of a girl under 12 years of age is prohibited unless authorized by the Quazi. Although there are very few recorded instances of children under the age of twelve being married under the Muslim laws, the anomaly could have far reaching impact on the lives of Muslim girls.
Marriage Customs and Traditions in Sri Lanka
Sri Lankan couples are expected to marry within their caste, ethnic group and religion. Traditionally, great value was placed on female purity and women have been expected to be virgin when they got married (in some places the wedding night sheets are checked as a “virginity test). . Unmarried people are regarded as strange and its us assumed something must be wrong with them. [Source: Bambi L. Chapin and Kalinga Tudor Silva, “Countries and Their Cultures”, The Gale Group Inc., 2001]
According to “Countries and Their Cultures”: For Buddhists and Hindus, caste status is supposed to be the same , although the groom is expected to be slightly older, taller, and educationally and professionally more qualified than the bride. Additionally, there is a preference among Tamil and Sinhala groups for cross-cousin marriage, which is marriage with the child of one's father's sister or one's mother's brother. Among Muslims, the preferred match is between parallel cousins, the children of two brothers. It is also considered best if the couple are of similar ages.
Bryan Pfaffenberger wrote in the “Encyclopedia of World Cultures”: “Among the Kandyans, who are governed by Kandyan law, polyandry [a wo man marrying multiple husbands] is rare, though villagers say it can be convenient for all Concerned. Polygyny [a man marrying multiple wives] is also rare and may amount to no more than the husband's appropriation of sexual services from a low-ranking female servant. [Source: Bryan Pfaffenberger”Encyclopedia of World Cultures, Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Paul Hockings, 1992 |~|]
The marriage may not involve a ceremony if it occurs between equals and within a pavula. Among the Kandyans, property is held individually and is not fragmented by the dissolution of marriage, which is easy and common. Among the Low Country Sinhalese, who are governed by Roman-Dutch law, Matrilocal residence is very rare and hypergamy, coupled with dowry, is more common. After marriage the couple's property is merged and in consequence the allied families resist the marriage's dissolution. |~|
Sinhalese Marriage Customs
Among the Sinhalese arranged cross-cousin marriage have traditionally been desired with the woman preserving the status of her of microcaste (“pavula”) by marrying a man of equal or higher status within her caste. By the same arraignment men are allowed to have sexual relations with women of lower castes without it jeopardizing his family’s status.
The bride has traditionally gone to live with the groom’s family. The union also creates a special bond (called a “deega”) between the families and kin of the bride and groom. Among Sinhalese, the family of the bride has traditionally given a dowry to the grooms family only if the groom is of significantly higher status. In the past providing a good dowry was regarded as essential to snagging a good husband. The dowery was in the form of money, clothing, jewelry and other possessions. Providing a dowry is not as important as it once was.
Trial marriages, in which couples lived together for a ceratin duration of time before deciding whether or not to get married, used to be common among the Sinhalese.
Polygamy is rare but occurs. A 38-year-old Sri Lankan man married 54 women in a five year period before he was arrested for bigamy. He used 32 names and ran off with cash and jewels owned by several of his wives. In most cases polygamy is practiced in rural areas. Often times it is no more than an arrangement, which allows a man to have sex with low-ranking family servant.
Tamil Marriage Customs
Among Tamils, Dravidians and people of South India, cross-cousin marriages are common and households are often linked by marriage within caste to a network of kin alliances. The preferred marriage for a male is to his mother’s brother’s daughter or to a lesser extent his father’s sister’s daughter— or even his own elder sister’s daughter. It is not uncommon in southern India for a young man to marry his sister’s daughter. Some anthropologists have described the marriage system as an exchange of women among families with political and economic implications. Freudians analyzed the system and described it as a marriage that allows males to remain in the protection of their mother.
Marriages have traditionally been arranged by elders, often uncles and aunts. Girls are regarded as marriageable after their first menstruation although these days many women wait until much later to get married. Men generally get married when they are in their 20s. Most marriages are regarded as religious matters and are not registered with the state.
The wedding ceremony is generally performed by a Brahman priest or a caste priest at the home of the bride. The bride’s family pays for most expenses of the wedding and is expected to provide a dowry, whose value depends on the wealth and education level of the family. Large brass vessels are given as wedding presents. Most couples move in with the groom’s family or at least into his village.
Arranged Marriages in Sri Lanka
Traditionally, except for some of the well-educated urban elite, parents arranged all marriages, although their children may meet future spouses and veto a particularly unattractive marriage. Marriages in Sri Lanka are still largely arranged by the parents or relatives of the bride and groom or matchmakers. In the past young men and women did not date. Dating was referred to as “having an affair.’ Friends or relatives have traditionally acted as go betweens. Matches are often made based on status, education level and job prospects. Paid matchmakers are often consulted before final decisions are made.
Horoscopes and astrologers are consulted to determine whether couples are comparable and to chose auspicious days for weddings. Paid matchmakers often base at least part of their decisions on the horoscope of the prospective partners. When a prospective partner is picked a relatively formal a meeting is arranged, usually at the home of the young woman with family members present. If the couple like each other a second meeting is held with the couple being allowed to spend time alone. Once the ball gets rolling it is hard for a man or woman to extract oneself.
According to the “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”: “Traditionally, marriages were arranged and the preferred marriage partner was a cross-cousin (either the offspring of the mother’s brother or the father’s sister). Distant relatives of a marriageable age are also glossed as cross-cousins. Horoscopes of the prospective bride and bridegroom are compared to determine if they are psychologically compatible. The most important issue in arranged marriages is the negotiation over the dowry. The two families meet three or more times, often with village or religious leaders as mediators, to consider the dowry. The three key topics of these negotiations are, first, the determination of the respective status of each family; second, assertions about the virtues of the prospective groom and bride by their families; and third, the relative market value of the groom. [Source: Robert T. Francoeur, Victor C. de Munck, Ph.D., Patricia Weerakoon, Ph.D., “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”, 2002]
“The prospective bride and groom both have “veto power” over their parents’ selection of a mate. However, they must be circumspect in exercising this power and typically do so only if they find their parents’ choice of a mate very disagreeable.”
Arranged Marriages Newspaper Advertisements in Sri Lanka
Advertisements for marriage prospective marriage partners are placed in newspapers. The ads are typically placed by a young woman’s family and 1) list religion, education levels, age, height and a couple of personality traits of the marriage partner seeker; 2) list the desired education level, profession, age, height and personality traits of the prospective marriage partner; and 3) provide some details on the dowry they are willing to offer. Applicants are expected to provide their horoscope. Caste is often a consideration.
According to the “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”: “Newspaper advertisements have long been a source of spouse selection in Sri Lanka. Traditionally, marriages were viewed as a contract between two families, rather than two individuals, and usually involved a third party called the “matchmaker” or “marriage broker.” The role of this person was to find a suitable son-in-law or daughter-in-law for the parents. The selection was based on existing cultural norms, such as caste, religion, family background, wealth, beauty, character, and, specifically, the horoscope. [Source: Robert T. Francoeur, Victor C. de Munck, Ph.D., Patricia Weerakoon, Ph.D., “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”, 2002]
“Dissanayake (1982) writes of the role of the newspaper “marriage columns” as strengthening and legitimizing the traditional value systems in spouse selection. This is apparent when the advertisements are compared over the past decade since 1990. It can be seen that the main differences lie in the increased educational qualification of the females and the fact that many of the advertisements are for persons already residing outside of Sri Lanka or hoping to do so in the future. Below are some examples of advertisements from 1993 and 2002. Some of these would be extremely puzzling to a Westerner unaware of the crucial role of family, caste, and social structure, but the advertisements do reflect the blend of modernization and the importance of family structure. It also appears that the “marriage broker” is being replaced by “email.”
:From the Sunday Observer, May 1993: Looking for a bridegroom: “Colombo-based Govi [caste] Buddhist parents of good social standing seek educated professional executive or businessman preferably non smoker, teetotaler [does not take alcohol] between 26-29 years, 5’ 10” or taller; for their only daughter, 24 years, 5’ 3” very attractive, well mannered. Dowry available. Send all details with horoscope.”
Looking for a bride: “Catholic Karawa parents seek educated, simple, pretty girl below 28 years for son, senior mercantile executive, earning over Rs 30,000 monthly. Kuja in 7 [horoscope]. Write all details with horoscope.”
From the Sunday Observer, August 2002: Looking for a bridegroom: “Influential Sri Lankan parents Canadian Permanent Residents, mother Govi Buddhist, father Hindu Vellala [caste], seek for their 27 yr old eldest daughter 5’ 3”, mild mannered, gentle, well brought up with Sri Lankan cultural values, studied up to O/L in a leading Colombo Convent, presently reading for an Administration Degree in a Canadian University and employed in Canada, a suitable qualified partner with the same qualifications residing especially in U.S.A. or Canada graduated in Medicine, Law, Research Sciences or Allied Fields. Apply with full particulars and horoscope contact Email [omitted].”
Looking for a bride: “Well connected Australia based Sinhala, Buddhist family of very substantial means seek for their professionally qualified son, tall, handsome, 29 years, a suitable bride from similar background. Apply with all details and horoscope. Email [omitted].”
Dating, Pre-Marital Sex and Elopement in Sri Lanka
According to the “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”: “ In urban areas, love affairs are not uncommon in high school. These are usually intensely romantic relationships and involve passing notes to one another, clandestine meetings often arranged with the help of friends, and handholding or kissing. They seldom lead to receptive-penetrative sex and seldom endure. Such romances are accepted and encouraged, and are even sources of prestige among high school or college peers, but they remain unacceptable to the parents of the lovers. [Source: Robert T. Francoeur, Victor C. de Munck, Ph.D., Patricia Weerakoon, Ph.D., “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”, 2002]
“The couple and their friends generally think of such romances as “young love” and do not expect them to lead to sexual intercourse. For urban females from Westernized families, kissing and handholding are daring but acceptable forms of premarital sex, but any form of receptive-penetrative sex, heavy petting, or oral sex is considered morally and socially wrong. However, the intensity of an idealized “young love” relationship can lead to tragedy if the relationship does not eventuate in marriage. The breakup of such adolescent love relationships has long been a leading cause of suicide in Sri Lanka.
“Elopement is also a common way for young adults to circumvent their parents’ choice of mates, and elopement is a common and often-accepted practice in rural areas. Sorensen (1993) has estimated that approximately 50 percent of the marriages in the two communities she studied were a consequence of elopement. The girl’s parents will often help with the elopement. The couple will go to another community to marry, usually returning to their original community after a “cooling off” period of a month or two and then setting up residence with or near to the supportive parents. The prospective groom’s family typically is incensed over elopement marriages, as they have lost all leverage to obtain an equitable dowry. The bride’s family will usually provide a small dowry so as not to tarnish their reputation. Very poor families, on occasion, encourage their attractive daughters to surreptitiously flirt with a boy from a well-to-do family. If a boy falls in love with a girl, he may insist that his parents arrange a marriage between them or threaten to elope or even commit suicide (de Munck 1996). All of these possible non-normative strategies eventuate in the absence of a dowry or a drastic reduction in its value.”
Caste and Marriage in Sri Lanka
Reporting from Colombo, Mark Magnier wrote in the Los Angeles Times: “Every Sunday, newspapers here are filled with classified ads for marriage partners. But for Americans accustomed to the personals staples ''SWF" and ''must love cats," the descriptions can be mystifying. ''Sinhala Buddhist Govi mother seeks professionally qualified partner for youngest daughter," read a recent. in the Sri Lankan Sunday Observer. ''Reply with caste and religion material, horoscope." [Source: Mark Magnier, Los Angeles Times , February 5, 2006]
“The ad, referring to the elite land-tilling Govi Gama caste, spotlights a system that has locked islanders into a rigid social hierarchy for centuries. Vasuki Somarathnam, 19, is a bank clerk from the Nadar caste, relatively low in the hierarchy. She says that when it comes to friends, business relations, and voting, caste plays little, if any, part in her daily life. Her views on marriage are far more progressive than those of her parents' generation, with character at least as important as caste in the choice of a future husband.
“Still, as a good daughter, she said, she would never defy her parents' wishes that she marry within the caste. If it came to it, she would work hard to convince them that she was capable of making this decision, but would leave the final say to them. ''God gave them to me. I must respect that," said Somarathnam, who works at a bank that is ''caste blind," as are most businesses, at least officially, in Colombo these days. Ultimately, she acknowledged, it would be easier if she found someone from the same group.This is part of the dilemma for many people. ''Educated Sri Lankans know the caste system is irrational and shouldn't exist," said Kalinga Tudor Silva, a sociologist at the University of Peradeniya. ''But when it comes to marriage, it remains very important, the head versus the heart."
“Lower-caste parents are often as wary of their children marrying into upper-caste families as the other way around, fearing social conflict or humiliation. Sebba Kuttige Priyangani, 44, from the Karawa caste, was beaten and harassed by her grandmother after a higher-caste man proposed to her when she was 14. She eventually broke it off. A few years later, however, another suitor showed up, this time a foreigner, and she eloped.
“Cross-caste marriages are becoming more common, but they're not always easy. Nonprofit group employee Rajakaruna is from the fisherman caste and her fiance from the elite farmer caste. Both sets of parents were less than delighted. The couple hid their relationship for years, but the secret got out when the tsunami hit and he rushed to check on her.
Evolution of Sinhalese Marriage Laws and Customs
Asiff Hussein, a Sri Lankan journalist and writer, wrote: “During ancient times, pre-Buddhistic Sinhalese marriage laws and customs would have been similar to those prescribed in the laws of Manu (Manava — Dharma — Sastra) written in North India sometime between the 3rd century B.C. and the A.D. 1st century. The work, which is a compilation of the traditions of the ancient Indo-Aryan Hindus reflects a rigid patriarchal society with extended family households. The laws are particularly odious due to its repressive attitude towards women. [Source: Taken from Sinhalese, Kandyan and early British era literary sources by Asiff Hussein, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
The marriage of a maiden for example comprised of a gift (Kanya — danam) by her father to a suitable suitor, although it was agreed that if a girl was not given in marriage by her guardian (father or brother) within three years of her attaining puberty, she would be free from his control and may validly enter into a marriage of her own accord.
Marriage was however an indissoluble sacrament and not a secular contract, so that divorce was impossible. With the advent of Buddhism to the island during the 3rd century B.C., we may presume that the legal position of women underwent a significant improvement. The Mahavansa (5th century ), the ancient chronicle of Sinhalese royalty and its sequel, the Chulavansa, do not give us any idea as to the position of women with regard to marriage during the ancient and early medieval periods.
However, a late medieval work, the Saddharma — lankaraya (13th century), a collection of stories intended for the edification of Buddhists, refers to a lady of Anuradhapura named Sumana who gave herself in marriage to a man from Ruhuna, so that we may suppose that both men and women were free to contract their marriages sans any third party sanction. This however is in sharp contrast to later Kandyan times, when both men and women were required to obtain the consent of their parents when contracting a marriage.
According to an early English compilation of Kandyan law, namely John Armour"s "Grammar of Kandyan Law" (early 19th century), the consent of both parents is necessary for a valid marriage. There were of course a number of other conditions that had to be fulfilled, before a marriage could be contracted. Besides parental consent the parties to the marriage had to (1) belong to the same caste, (2) they were not to be related within the prohibited degrees of relationship and (3) they had to have the intention of forming a definite alliance.
Kandyan Digs and Binna Marriage Laws
The Kingdom of Kandy was founded in the late 15th century in Sri Lanka and endured until the early 19th century, even with the presence of the Portuguese, Dutch and British on Sri Lanka. Some of its laws still exist today. Asiff Hussein wrote: Kandyan law recognised two forms of marriage, namely, diga marriage and binna marriage. In diga marriage, the woman went to live in her husband"s house and gave up her claims to the parental estate. This was the usual mode of marriage among the Kandyans. [Source: Taken from Sinhalese, Kandyan and early British era literary sources by Asiff Hussein, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
Binna marriage was a marriage where the husband contracted to go and live in the wife"s house. Such a marriage necessarily entailed the husband being subject to a "petticoat government", for the wife was the head of the house, a virtual matriarch. It is said to have been a marriage "contracted with a wink and ended by a kick".
“According to Knox, there existed certain lands in Kandy known as bini " pangu that were hereditary through the female line. He says "Younger sons of other families, when grown up, the elder brothers having all the land, they marry these women that have lands. A man in this case only differs from a servant in laying with his mistress for she will bear rule and he no longer then willing to obey can continue but she will turn him away at her pleasure."
John D"oyly (1835) has narrated a saying of the Kandyans that "the binna husband should take care to have constantly ready at the door of his wife"s room, a walking stick, a talpot (a palm leaf used as an umbrella) and a torch, so that he may be prepared at any hour of the day or night, and whatever may be the state of the weather or of his own health, to quit her house on being ordered." Binna marriage would have been a convenient arrangement by which means readily available male labor could be obtained for running a girl"s parents" estate in case they had no male offspring. Such an arrangement would have also served to help a woman look after her aged parents in the comfort of their home. Binna marriages are still recognised in the Kandyan districts.
Marital Laws and Freedoms in Medieval Sri Lanka
Asiff Hussein wrote: As in India marriages within the caste were the accepted norm. Robert Knox, an English exile who spent nearly 20 years in the Kandyan Kingdom (1660 — 1679) states in his work "Historical Relation of Ceylon" (1681): "It is not accounted any shame or fault for a man of the highest sort to lay with a woman far inferior to himself, nay of the very lowest degree, provided he neither eats nor drinks with her, nor takes her home to his house as his wife." [Source: Taken from Sinhalese, Kandyan and early British era literary sources by Asiff Hussein, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
Knox"s statement shows that marriage, unlike mere cohabitation, had a ritual value. Indeed other statements of his show that Kandyan society was an extremely licentious one where both men and women had full freedom to cohabit with whomsoever they pleased save that in the case of women, they could not do so with one inferior in caste to themselves, such an act entailing severe punishment. Says Knox, "If any of the females should be so deluded, as to commit folly with one beneath herself, if ever she should appear to the sight of her friends, they would certainly kill her, there being no other way to wipe off the dishonour she hath done the family but by her own blood."
Kandyan law also prohibited marriages between close relatives. This included a man"s daughter (duva), sister (sahodari; this included the daughter of one"s father"s brother or one"s mother"s sister) and nenda (paternal aunt), though he could marry his niece (leli) and maternal aunts (loku-amma, kudamma). For a marriage to be valid, the parties also had to have the intention of forming a marital union. This was due to the fact that in Kandyan society, sexual morality hardly ever mattered and polygyny (a man taking more than one wife),polyandry (a woman taking more than one husband) and concubinage were all recognised as legal. Furthermore, Buddhism saw to it that marriage in Sinhalese society became a secular contract and not a rigid sacrament as in Hindu law, so that marriage itself had "little force or validity" as noted by Knox.
Trial marriages were also common among the Kandyans. Davy (Account of the interior of Ceylon 1821) says that the first fortnight of the bride"s cohabitation with her husband was a period of trial at the end of which the marriage was either annulled or confirmed. As for concubinage, although it was permitted, in later times, it appears to have been frowned upon, especially amongst the nobility. John D"oyly (Sketch of the constitution of the Kandyan Kingdom 1835) has stated that the last Kandyan king reprimanded Migastenne Adigar for keeping a concubine of the "Berava" (drummer) caste. The woman was flogged and sent across the river, and thus banished from Kandy.
Polyandry (Multiple Husbands) in Sri Lanka
Polyandry (a woman with multiple husbands) was legal in the Kingdom of Kandy, which existed from the 15th to 19th century. It was euphemistically called “eka-ge-kema” (“eating in one house”).Asiff Hussein wrote: Says Knox, "In this country, even the greatest hath but one wife, but a woman often has two husbands." The polyandry practiced in Kandyan times was usually of the fraternal type and was known by the euphemism eka-ge-kama (lit. eating in one house). [Source: Taken from Sinhalese, Kandyan and early British era literary sources by Asiff Hussein, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
Joao Riberio (1685) says of the Sinhalese during the time of Portuguese rule (17th century): "A girl makes a contract to marry a man of her own caste (for she cannot marry outside it), and if the relatives are agreeable they give a banquet and unite the betrothed couple. The next day a brother of the husband takes his place, and if there are seven brothers she is the wife of all of them, distributing the nights by turns, without the husband having a greater right than any of his brothers. If during the day, any of them finds the chamber unoccupied, he can retire with the woman if he thinks fit... she can refuse herself to none of them; whichever brother it may be that contracts the marriage, the woman is the wife of all." He adds: "the woman who is married to a husband with a large number of brothers is considered very fortunate, for all toil and cultivate for her and bring whatever they earn to the house, and she lives much honoured and well supported and for this reason the children call all the brothers their fathers."
Phillip Baldaeus, a Dutch cleric notes in his book "Ceylon" (1672) that in his time the Kandyans recommended, "the conjugal duty to be performed by their own brothers" — and cites the instance of a woman resident of Galle who "had confidence enough to complain of the want of duty in her husband"s brother on that account." There also existed group marriages, where the brothers of one family jointly entered into matrimony with the sisters of another. Polygyny and polyandry however did not find favour with the British who saw to its abolition by means of the Kandyan marriage ordinance of 1859.
“The earliest record we have of polyandry among the Sinhalese is perhaps the Magul Mahavihara inscription of Vihara-maha-devi belonging to about the 14th century where we find the queen calling herself the chief consort of the two brother kings named Perakumba (Perakumba de-be-raja-daruvan de-denata aga mehesun vu vihara-maha-devi). The brother kings referred to in the epigraph are evidently two petty kings who wielded independent authority in the Ruhuna country at the time. [Source: Asiff Hussein, Sunday Observer]
The practice did not escape the notice of the European writers of the colonial period who have left us vivid descriptions of the custom as it existed then. The Portuguese historian Joao Ribeiro says in his Fatalidado Historica da Ilha de Ceilao (1685) that once the marriage ceremony is concluded, the first night of consummation is allotted to the husband, the second to his brother, the third to the next brother, and so on as far as the seventh night, when if there be more brothers, the remainder are not entitled to the privilege of the eldest six. "These first days being past, the husband has no greater claim on his wife than his brothers have; if he finds her alone, he takes her to himself, but if one of his brothers be with her, he cannot disturb them. Thus one wife is sufficient for a whole family and all their property is in common among them. They bring their earnings into one common stock, and the children call all the brothers indifferently their fathers".
“The Dutch missionary Philip Baldaeus in his Description of Ceylon (1672) says that the Sinhalese recommend that the conjugal duty be performed by their own brothers and cites the case of a woman resident of Galle who "had confidence enough to complain of the want of duty in her husband's brother on that account". The English writer Robert Knox says in his Historical Relation of Ceylon (1681): "In this country each man, even the greatest, hath but one wife; but a woman often has two husbands. For it is lawful and common with them for two brothers to keep house together with one wife, and the children do acknowledge and call both fathers".
“The last substantial account of the practice is perhaps that of Sir James Emerson Tennent in his monumental work Ceylon (1859) where he says that polyandry prevails throughout the interior of Ceylon, chiefly amongst the wealthier classes; of whom, one woman has frequently three or four husbands, and sometimes as many as seven. He notes that as a general rule, the husbands are members of the same family, and most frequently brothers. The custom was however not to remain legal for long for the British outlawed it the same year, though it is known to have survived for a considerable period thereafter.
“Ponnambalam Arunachalam observed in Twentieth Century Impressions of Ceylon (1907) that "Polyandry, though illegal, continues to exist among the Kandyan peasantry, especially in the case of brothers. The law against polyandry is evaded by not registering the union at all or by registering it as with one brother only".”
Why Polyandry Existed in Sri Lanka
Asiff Hussein wrote: “As to how this peculiar custom could have survived for so long is not a difficult question to answer, given the nature of the Kandyan and the other societies where it is known to have prevailed. Poverty, a desire to limit family size and to keep property undivided in families appear to have been the major factors that have contributed to the survival and possibly even the emergence of polyandry in these societies. One major factor that seems to have contributed to its popularity in the days of the Kandyan Kings was evidently the practice of Rajakariya or compulsory service to the state exacted from the land-holding male populace. [Source: Asiff Hussein, Sunday Observer]
Tennent records that an aged chief of the Four Corales, Aranpulle Ratemahatmeya informed him in reply to an inquiry addressed to him, that the prevalence of polyandry was attributable to the fact that when the people gave their attendance at the royal palace, and at the residences of the great headmen, besides contributing labor on the lands of their lords and accompanying them in their distant journeys. "During such intervals of prolonged absence their own fields would have remained uncultivated and their crops uncut, had they not resorted to the expedient of identifying their representatives with their interests, by adopting their brothers and nearest relatives as the partners of their wives and fortunes".
This is supported by the studies of Prince Peter of Greece (Polyandry and the kinship group. 1955) who took into account the polyandry of the Kandyan Sinhalese, the Kerala Tiyyans and the Tibetans and concluded that there existed a greater unity and solidarity of sibling groups among those practicing fraternal polyandry. He also emphasised the economic function of polyandry which intensified this unity and solidarity.
Weddings in Sri Lanka
Most Sri Lankan families have small means and do not spend large sums on wedding parties. Among wealthier families in both the countryside and the cities, marriages occur more often between families that were not previously related, and more elaborate ceremonies take place. In such cases the bride may receive a substantial dowry, determined beforehand during long negotiations between her family and her future in-laws. Preceding these well-publicized affairs are detailed discussions with matchmakers and astrologers who pick the most auspicious times for the marriage. [Source: Russell R. Ross and Andrea Matles Savada, Library of Congress, 1988]
Typically, Sri Lankan weddings are celebrated with two events in two days. On the first day, the bride's family hosts the poruwa ceremony takes place. Most traditional customs occur on this day. On the second there is a traditional honeymoon and a party with foods and entertainment hosted by the groom's family for the bride and her family. In some ceremonies betel leaves are given by the MC to the groom who in turn passes them on to his parents. At the wedding party gifts are given and music is often provided by a live band. Wedding cakes are popular among middle class and upper class families. The guests are often dressed in their best clothes. In the old days weddings were seen as opportunities to show off new clothes.
Minor communities in Sri Lanka celebrate weddings in ways that are similar to the Sinhalese way with some variations and different traditional dresses. Burghers wears western traditional dresses and marry in church according to Western, Christian customs. Sri Lankan Moors incorporate Islam customs, rules and traditions into their weddings. [Source: Wikipedia]
Tamils wears traditional Tamil wedding clothes and have a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony instead of a poruwa ceremony. Among Tamils, the wedding ceremony is generally performed by a Brahman priest or a caste priest at the home of the bride. The bride’s family pays for most expenses of the wedding and is expected to provide a dowry, whose value depends on the wealth and education level of the family. Large brass vessels are given as wedding presents. Most couples move in with the groom’s family or at least into his village.
Sinhalese Weddings
Sinhalese weddings are held on a platform called a “poruwa”, decorated with canopies of flowers and pots filled with coconut flowers. The bride often wears a sari, with embroidered silk garments and family heirloom jewelry, while the groom dresses in Western clothes. Kandyan brides have traditionally worn seven pendants or necklaces, with the smallest hanging just below her neck and the longest extending to her knees.
There is no specific Buddhist marriage ceremony in Sinhala Buddhist culture. Marriage is not a sacrament. Middle-class Sinhala wedding are often held at hotels and feature Buddhist and Sinhalese symbols. Sometimes no ceremony is held if a marriage is with a microcaste. [Source: “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, Thomson Gale, 2006]
Buddhist priests and monks generally to do not hold official positions at weddings. The wedding is presided over by a lay person who reads sacred Buddhist texts and an MC. In the ceremony The couple feed each other small amounts of milk rice and the fifth finger of the bride and groom are tied together with a gold chord. Water is poured over the chord to represent the sharing of their lives. Girls dressed in white sing songs of celebration and good luck. After the couple steps down off the poruwa a coconut is sometimes smashed for good luck. The couple sign a register and toasts are made in their honor.
Wedding in the 16th Century
From Virtual Library Sri Lanka: Sharp at the auspicious time his uncle brought the blade towards his cheek. He was going to have his first shave. He wore a grave look on his face, covered with the bristles of the first dawn of hair. He gulped once or twice and tried to stay still as his manhood was shaven off. He was seventeen. Tomorrow he would be getting married. [Source: Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com . It is not clear where this is originally from ]
She stood on the pooruwa clad in the traditional Osari. Deep black eyes, young and innocent like the eyes of a doe, peered through the jewellery, worn to match those of the goddess Paththini. The black irises shone as brightly as the "thalla" on her forehead. As her uncle began to pour the water over their entwined fingers, she felt his arm brush against her. She glanced at him through the corner of her eye. She had not seen his face clearly yet. She only had a vague feeling that he was thin, had fair skin and curly black hair.
Lunch, called the "adara batha" (the meal of love), lasted for over three hours. The bride and the groom seated at the head of the table ate from the same plate. When he thought no one was looking, he pushed pieces of fish towards her. She took them timidly, but picked at her food. She found it an effort to mix the curries on her side of the plate and raise her hand towards her lips. The eyes of the entire table were on her, she thought.
The sound of the gunshots fired into the sky when she had first stepped onto the compound of her husband's house, still lingered in her ears as she was shown their bedroom. She sat at the edge of the bed and waited quietly for him. The black teak furniture gleamed in the light of the big kerosene lamp beside her. Outside, everything was quiet except for the never-ending chorus of a group of Citerns. He came in quietly and closed the door.
She turned towards him and saw his face for the first time. He had curly hair, a thin face and dark black eyes. He smiled down at her. She began to stand up. But he moved towards her, placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back on to the bed. Seating himself beside her, he raised her chin towards him. She looked into his eyes and saw the gentle sparkle in them. Her heart began to beat rapidly. Strange emotions began to engulf her. She buried her head on his shoulder. His hand moved towards her hair. Slowly he began to loosen the knot tied to the nape of her neck. She could feel his fingers tremble as they encountered the thick black stresses.
The chatter of two squirrels in the garden announced to the world a new day had dawned. The door opened and her mother-in-law came in. The girl lay on the bed, her thin, lithe body wrapped in a white sheet. She looked as radiant as the flowers in the sal tree outside. He stood at the window with his back turned towards the two women. She recollected the night she had spent with him, when he had known her as only a man could know a woman. Now she got up and began to get dressed as her mother-in-law held her clothes and the white sheets to the sunlight, and examined them thoroughly.
From the curve of his cheeks, she could see her husband was smiling to himself. And she knew the same smile would be on her mother-in-law's face as she took a coin from her bosom and tied it to the edge of the bed sheet. The coin meant the girl had proven her virginity. She would be accepted into the family as the wife of their youngest son.
Kandyan Wedding in 1890
An article entitled “A Kandyan wedding in highlife at Matale"” published in the English newspaper the Ceylon Sunday Telegraph described the opulent, aristocratic wedding of Wilfred Ratwatte of far-off Matale in the hills and of a woman named Dullewa on January 10th, 1890. The report begins on January 9th with the arrival of the groom’s entourage from Matele and the welcoming of them by the bride’s family and friends. [Source: Ceylon Sunday Telegraph of January 15, 1890, The Island, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
In the afternoon, the groom, dressed in the "mul aduma" (the Kandyan ceremonial costume), led a ceremonial procession (a perahera) with flag-carriers carrying 20-30 flags, headed by the "Matale white flag", about 60 "tom-tom beaters", Kandyan dancers and 75 people carrying guns, six caprisoned elephants, walking two in a row, followed by dancers of the 4 korales. About 40 headmen in costume had walked next, on foot. The Island reported: “The groom’s stepmother, come in a palanquin was escorted by over 30 female attendants, followed by Ratwatte Ratemahattaya — the groom’s uncle who had travelled in a horse-carriage. They were attended by troupes of dancers in varied costumes. The highpoint in the perahera — the bridegroom — Ratwatte Bandara, had been carried in the procession in a palanquin, followed by horse-carriages, chieftains and dancers.
“As the perahera with dancing to sounds of various musical instruments — the drum, the trumpet," the pantheru" (tambourines) drew closer to the bride’s residence, the bride’s party had walked forward to receive them from which point, all had alighted from the horse-carriages. The groom and the ladies carried in palanquines and those aloft the elepahnts had not alighted until the perahera reached the Maha Walawwa at Dullewa around 6 pm.
“Receiving the groom’s party at the bride’s residence were Amunugama Basnayaka Nilame, the Adigar in Kandyan chieftain’s attire along with his kumarihamy. The feet of the visitors were washed on alighting from the palanquins with the breaking of coconuts taking place as the party entered the bride’s house. The hosts had made provision for the feeding of about 500 guests who had walked in the perahera. The attendants, the report mentions were scattered all over, around the building, feasting on the goodies. Partying and merry-making had continued until 11 pm. with dancing to music in the form of a moorish stick-dance, a dance no more heard of, at which point, the marriage ceremony had been performed according to traditional Kandyan customs. Music and dancing had continued with vigour till morning.
“At day-break the following day, the visitors were fed and at 1 pm. after the marriage was registered at the auspicious hour, the bridal-party, numbering over 1000 and accompanied by Dullewa Adigar and his attendants, had left the bride’s residence. And the number of flags, the elephants, gun-carriers, dancers had increased with the flag of Thammankaduwa at the center, flanked by 2 white flags of the Matale Dissawa.
“Those borne in palanquins from Ehelepola and Dullewa were seen substituting carriages for palanquins at Aluwihare. The account also mentions another custom that had been practiced. While the procession wound its way, well-wishers lining the road had sprinkled rose water and flowers on the newly-weds. The party had reached Matale at 4 pm. when the entire party was treated to cake (probably kevun, referred to as oil-cake at the time) and plantains at Nagolla walawwa after which the party accompanied the couple to Kandy, the residence of the Basnayake Nilame of the Vishnu Devale, the bridegroom’s father. The celebrations had evidently concluded on January 16th as the account lastly mentions that the couple was expected to return to Matale on January 16th and pandals were being erected for further celebrations for their reception.
Dowries in Sri Lanka
In Sri Lanka, as is true throughout India, Pakistan and South Asia, assets are moved from the bride’s family to the groom’s family. In most parts of the world it is either the other way around or there is no exchange of assets between families. Among Tamils, The bride’s family is expected to provide a dowry, whose value depends on the wealth and education level of the family.
In general though dowries are not as big a deal in Sri Lanka as they are elsewhere in South Asia. You certainly don’t hear about murders in Sri Lanka. In some cases, the family of the bride is expected to provide a dowry, often in the form of cash, furniture or jewelry or even land or a house. The pressure to come up with a good dowry sends some families into deep debt. Sometimes the husband’s family provides a house in the form the married couple moving in with the husband’s parents.
The dowry has traditionally been a big part of the negotiations before an arranged marriage and involves the determination of family status, the bride’s virtue and the relative market value of the groom. According to the “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”: The market value is determined by what the dowry rate is for prospective grooms from families of that particular socioeconomic status. If the groom has exceptional promise or character, the dowry is negotiated toward the upper limit of other members of that status niche. If the prospective bride has a good education and/or is known to be virtuous, modest, and obedient, then her family will negotiate a dowry for their benefit toward the lower limit. Both sides must first agree on the respective statuses of their families and these statuses must be perceived as being more or less equal. [Source: Robert T. Francoeur, Victor C. de Munck, Ph.D., Patricia Weerakoon, Ph.D., “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”, 2002]
“Both Sri Lankans and researchers attribute the relative late age of marriage to difficulties in obtaining an adequate dowry for the bride. Brothers are expected to help contribute to the dowry fund and defer their marriages until all their sisters are married. Sisters are also expected to marry in order of their age. Once the family has accrued sufficient dowry funds for the first daughter, they must continue working to accrue a similar dowry for the next daughter. Dowry funds ideally consist of a house, rice paddy land, cash, jewelry, furniture, and other moveable goods. However, while the accumulation of a dowry fund is a family effort and may be a major factor in the late age of marriage, it does not explain why Sri Lankans should marry later than members of other South Asian nations where a dowry is also a prerequisite for most marriages.
“What is unique to Sinhalese dowry practices is that they serve as a form of “pre-death” inheritance in which the dowry is legally transferred to the bride rather than to the groom’s family (Tambiah 1973). McGilvray (1988) and de Munck (1996) also note that the dowry is legally transferred to the bride in Sri Lankan Tamil and Muslim communities, whereas in most of South Asia the dowry is transferred to the groom’s family. In Sri Lanka, the bride retains legal control over the dowry but, on marriage, the groom acquires “proprietary” rights to the dowry funds. Malhotra and Tsui (1999) are correct in noting that relative to the rest of South Asia, there is greater gender equality in Sri Lanka, but part of that has to do with the wife’s control over the dowry fund rather than the late marriages.”
Divorce in Sri Lanka
By some measures Sri Lanka has the world’s lowest — or at least one of the world’s lowest — divorce rates. But data is minimal and old. Divorce rate: 0.15 per 1000 per year compared to 3.2 in the United States, 4.8 in Russia and 0.6 in South Africa. [Source: Wikipedia wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography]
Legal divorce is easy to obtain, and divorces of customary marriages occur through mutual consent of the partners in consultation with their extended families. Most marriages, however, are quite stable because of the considerable social pressure and support exerted by kindred of both the husband and the wife. In 1981 the divorce rate per 10,000 persons amounted to only 30.5. [Source: Russell R. Ross and Andrea Matles Savada, Library of Congress, 1988 *]
Divorce is increasingly common but still rare. It occured in less than one percent of marriages in the early 2000s. Remarriage following divorce or the death of a spouse is possible for both men and women, although it is uncommon for previously married women to marry never-married men. [Source: Bambi L. Chapin and Kalinga Tudor Silva, “Countries and Their Cultures”, The Gale Group Inc., 2001]
Divorces among Muslims and Hindus is rarer than among Buddhists. Divorces among the Kandyans have traditionally been easy to obtain. Among Kandyans property is held individually as is thus easy to divide in the case of a divorce. Among lowland Sinhalese property is jointly held and the families put more pressure on a couple not to break up.
Among Tamils, Divorce is difficult to obtain for couples of castes that have high social expectations, but separations a and new alliances or marriages are common among those not belonging to higher castes. Widow marriage is forbidden or at least uncommon among Brahmans and other high castes.
Divorce, it appears, was more common in medieval Kandy. Asiff Hussein, a Sri Lankan journalist and writer, wrote: “Divorce, as might be expected of such a promiscuous society, was very easy. Kandyan law recognised that either men or women may dissolve the marriage tie at their will and pleasure. Says Knox, "Both women and men do commonly wed four or five times before they can settle themselves to their contentation." Widow remarriage was also very commonplace and did not carry any stigma as was the case in India. Says Knox, "These women are of a very strong courageous spirit, taking nothing very much to heart... when their husbands are dead, all their care is where to get others, which they cannot long be without". [Source: Taken from Sinhalese, Kandyan and early British era literary sources by Asiff Hussein, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
Divorce Laws in Sri Lanka
Ramani Muttettuwegama wrote: “Under the General law, divorce is based on the concept of "fault" rather than on the irretrievable breakdown of marriage. The grounds, however, are the same for both parties. [Source: Ramani Muttettuwegama, Virtual Library Sri Lanka lankalibrary.com ]
“Under the Kandyan law, while the grounds are the same for both parties in most circumstances, a wife seeking a divorce from her husband on the basis of adultery must also establish an additional ground of incest or gross cruelty. However, a divorce on mutual consent is available under the Kandyan law. Further, unlike the General law, a divorce is granted by the Registrar of Marriages under the Kandyan law, thereby making dissolution of marriage a much simpler procedure.
“Under the Muslim law, a man seeking a divorce does not need to specify a ground for divorce whereas women must establish either ill treatment or an act/omission which amounts to a 'fault'. As far as procedure is concerned, however, either procedure is much simpler than the more cumbersome two-part procedure under the General law.”
Women are usually granted custody of the children in the case of divorce. [Source: Robert T. Francoeur, Victor C. de Munck, Ph.D., Patricia Weerakoon, Ph.D., “Encyclopedia of Sexuality”, 2002]
Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons
Text Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Lonely Planet Guides, Library of Congress, Sri Lanka Tourism (srilanka.travel), Government of Sri Lanka (www.gov.lk), The Guardian, National Geographic, Smithsonian magazine, The New Yorker, Time, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Wikipedia and various books, websites and other publications.
Last updated February 2022