CUSTOMS IN NEPAL
Daily life and everyday customs for many Nepalese are as they have always been and blend aspects of Hinduism and Buddhism and agriculture cycles. Nepal is a very diverse country with 123 different ethnic groups by one count and this diversity translates to various sets of customs and interpretations of customs although many are rooted in same Hindu, Buddhist or other religious traditions. [Source: “The Traveler's Guide to Asian Customs & Manners” by Elizabeth Devine and Nancy L. Braganti]
Nepalese can be very very hospitable. A special effort is made to make foreigners feel welcome. Tourists who venture outside the cocoon of organized tours find they overwhelmed with invitations for tea, food or a visit to a person’s home. It is not uncommon for a Nepalese to approach a foreigner on the street and invite him or her to a village festival or a wedding party. Sometimes poor families offer extraordinarily nice meals. Offers of money are inevitably turned down and regarded as an insult.
One guiding principal that is particularly strong among Hindu but is also found among Buddhists and members of other religions is division of pure and impure. “Jutho” referring to food or material touched by another’s mouth directly or indirectly, is considered impure by Nepalis, while cow dung is considered pure and an ideal material for purifying and cleansing. During menstruation women are considered impure and hence, are kept in seclusion until their fourth day purification bath.
Nepal is a patriarchal society. Men have traditionally worked outside the home while women were homemakers. However, in cities, roles can differ and many women work. In rural areas, a lot of the farm work is done by women. Most Nepalis adhere to the caste system in terms of their living habits and in regard to marriage. Parts of rural Nepal are very poor with little infrastructure and inadequate health and education. Urban people tend to be more modern and educated.
Greetings in Nepal
As a sign of greeting Nepalese clasp their hands near their head and bow their heads in the traditional South Asian Namaste greeting. When doing this Nepalese say “Namaste” or “Namaskar” ("I salute the god within you" or "I bow to thee”). It is considered an indication of respect. The higher the hands the higher the status of the person being greeted. For most people chest level is the correct height.
Hindus fold their hands in the namaste greeting and touch their forehead as a sign of respect. To perform a proper namaste, one should hold his or her palms together, with the fingertips at chin, level and nod rather than bow and say " Namaste." " Namaste". The gesture is a sign of respect and is used by men and women when meeting members of the same or opposite sex. It is similar to praying gesture performed before an image of a deity at a temple. The degree of bowing in a namaste is often determined by the caste of the person addressed. A person of low caste is expected to raise his hands high and bow deeply to a person of high caste while a person of high caste often barely acknowledges a person of low caste. [Source: The Traveler's Guide to Asian Customs & Manners by Elizabeth Devine and Nancy L. Braganti. International etiquette expert: Mary Kay Metcalf of Creative Marketing Alliance in New Jersey.
As a sign of welcome and farewell Nepalese often place a Hawaiian-lei-like ring of marigolds around the neck of the person they are honoring and rub red-dyed rice in his or her hair, shoulders and forehead. Sometimes people departing are expected to give some money as they are leaving.
Handshaking is not that common among ordinary Nepalese. Those who come in contact with foreigners are comfortable with the custom. Foreign men should never shake hands with a village woman. Westernized males often shake hands with one another and with foreign male visitors. Westernized females often shake hands with one another and with foreign visitors. Handshakes tend be on the limp side. Sometimes Nepalese of the same sex hug one another but generally they don't shake hands with or even touch members of opposite sex. They use the namaste greeting. As a rule Nepalese are not that big on touching one another, especially people they don’t know well. " Ram! Ram! is an invocation of a Hindu deity often used to hail a friend on the street.
Among Buddhists scarves called “khati” are offered as s sign of welcome or respect and given to monasteries and temples as a donation. Sometimes honored guests are greeted Tibetan style with a scarf around the neck. If you are honored in this way you are expected to keep wearing the scarf until you leave. In the Dolpo regions some people greet one another by touching foreheads.
In some cases, special guest are greeted by five small girls called “panchkanya”. The girls are expected to be virgins, They represent the five most important women in Hinduism and often place a garland of flowers around the neck of the person being welcomed. In some villages special guests are greeting with cheers, blowing horns and drums. In some cases all you have to be is a foreigner in a village that hasn’t seen a foreigner for a while to receive such a greeting.
Names in Nepal
The family name is usually written first in Nepali. Some people have only one name. “Ji” is sometimes added to a person’s first name or last name as a sign of respect. Many Nepalis go by a single name. Sherpas and some other ethnic groups and castes use their ethnic group name or caste as their family name. People generally don’t refer to one another by their names. This is especially true with children, where it is believed that using a child’s name can attract evil spirits or demons to him.
Family members use terms such as “daai” (older brother), “baji” (grandmother) or “bahini” (younger sister). These same terms are often used to refer to members of the extended family and close friends. People are also referred to using one of the many forms of “Hey You” that vary from very polite to vary rude (the one used is often determined by the caste or rank of the speaker and the person being addressed).
According to the “Encyclopedia of World Cultures”: “Among many Nepali-speaking and also some Tibeto-Burman-speaking groups siblings may be addressed according to an age order from oldest to youngest or simply as an older or younger sibling (e.g., Jetha, Kanchha). In many groups siblings address parallel and some cross cousins with sibling terms. In the first ascending generation parents' parallel siblings may be addressed with parental terms marked by their age rank (i.e., older or younger). Cross parental siblings may be addressed by particular terms and treated in a distinctively relaxed or more formal manner. Family and lineage relations almost always observe marital taboos. However, for some groups, such as high-caste Hindus, phratries or gotra are exogamous, while for other groups, such as the Gurung, their moieties are endogamous. [Source: Alfred Pach III, “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 3: South Asia,” edited by Paul Hockings, 1992 |~|]
Common Hindu first names include Vijay, Gopal, Rajendra and Prakash. Many people are named after Hindu gods such as Krishna or Lakshmi. English nicknames are common Of the 329 parliamentarians' names, over 220 have middle names. Among them, Bahadur, Prasad, Kumar, Lal, Nath, Singh, Man and Devi are common. No one has a Western name.
Western names are becoming more in Kathmandu and other cities.Thira Bhusal wrote in the Kathmandu Post: “Ram, Sita, Parbati, Laxmi, Shankar, Ganesh, Krishna, Bishnu and Tulsi — traditional Nepali names — are fast being replaced by John, Nancy, Michael, Luis, Angela, Erica, Monica, Wilson and Jasmine in Nepali homes and schools. Identifying oneself or ones children with English names has become common in Nepali society in recent times, especially in Urban areas. [Source: Thira Bhusal, Kathmandu Post, September 16, 2007]
Public Customs in Nepal
Men hold hands and sit on each other's laps. If you see two men or two women holding hands, they are probably friends, siblings or cousins. It doesn’t; mean they are gay.
Public displays of affection in public between men and women are frowned upon, even considered scandalous. Men and women rarely show affection in public. Physical contact between the sexes is not appropriate in public even among married couples. It has traditionally been considered respectful for men and women to maintain a distance of one meter from one another. Some ethnic groups permit more open contact between the sexes.
Use two hands when giving and receiving objects especially from older people. If you use one hand use your right. When accepting or giving something, you should use your right hand. The left hand is considered dirty. The taboo of using the left hand is especially strong in places where people eat with their hands and among Muslim.
Nepalese generally don't say "thank you" in regards to normal daily activities. They often imply it by nodding their head in gratitude. "Thank yous" are generally reserved for people of high status and for special occasions. Public displays of anger are frowned upon. Publicly criticizing someone can result in a loss of face. Regardless of what happens visitors are advised to remain patient and have a smile on their face.
One should never touch a monk. Women wearing revealing outfits are frowned upon especially in the rural parts of the country. It is best to ask for permission first To avoid conflict photography is carried out after receiving permission from the object or person.
Social Customs in Nepal
It is sometimes considered impolite to have contact with someone for more than a brief moment. Direct eye contact is often considered rude. The importance of eye contact between the gods and humans helps explain why Hindu disdain eye contact in public, even between husband and wife Sometimes Nepalese men grab the hand of another man while talking to them. One American women told me that a Nepalese man suddenly bit here face.
Nepalese often ask foreigners are lot of questions, especially about their country and family. Sometimes they ask a lot of personal questions. For the most part they are just curious. Good conversation topics included family, food and trekking. Topic to avoid include religion, sex, Nepalese poverty and lack of development, and relations with China, India and Bhutan. It the past iit was advised never say anything negative about the Nepali royal family. The Nepalese monarchy was abolished in 2008 and the former king is not as revered as he one was.
Men usually socialize with men and women with women. Nepalese don’t like to criticize another person in public and cause that person to lose of face. Criticism has traditionally been done one on one in private. Nepalese are more comfortable with long pauses than Westerners.
Nepalese are not very punctual. In rural houses some people don’t have clocks, are not aware of the time and when they met they just say afternoon or morning. Nepalese Don't like to tell some no. They are more likely to tell you what you want to hear. When someone ask when something is ready the common reply is “tomorrow or he day after tomorrow” and even then there is good chance it won’t be ready by then. Nepalese sometimes show up unexpectedly. This is partly because they had lived without telephones for so long they are not used to the custom of calling ahead.
Gestures in Nepal
Nodding of head can mean “Yes” while shaking of head can means “No”. A slight dangling of head from left to right means “OK”. Indian style gestures are also prevalent. Many Nepalese don't nod their heads up and down when they mean yes, they tilt their heads to the side. It sometimes takes a little getting used to. Initially it seems more like a no than a yes. The men in the markets must find it strange that you keep bargaining and raising the price when they already agreed to a lower one. In a conversation tilting heads indicates the listener is listening.
When beckoning someone you should hold your arm at your side with you palm facing you and mover your fingers. Don't winks. It is considered rudely flirtatious. Nepalese indicate "me" by pointing toward their noses. They sometimes point by puckering their lips and pointing with their mouths. Shoppers sometimes indicate "no" to a seller by holding their arm in front of the body, raising their hand and twisting their wrist. . Sometimes a young person expresses respect towards an old person by bowing, The older person responds by placing his forefingers n the younger person as kind of blessing. To show great respect people sometimes bow down and touch their forehand to the feet of another person.
Heads and Feet in Nepal
Never point the soles of you feet at anyone. The feet are considered the lowest and dirtiest parts of the body. Because the feet are the dirtiest part of the body a great effort is made to avoid stepping over someone, food, utensils and sacred books. It is much more polite to ask someone to move than to step over them. Also don’t touch anyone with your feet. If you do, you can touch your hand to their feet or make a gesture that implies that to apologize. It is insulting to hit someone with a shoe or sandal.
Touching someone's feet is a sign of respect and, in many cases, subservience. Some women kiss the feet of their husbands or their in-laws. Because the feet are considered the lowest and dirtiest part of the body willingness to touch them is taken as a sign of reverence. In ancient times, Hindu commoners showed respect by kissing the feet of the their sovereigns. Ths is still done among people—notable politicians—who crave this kind of attention.
Don't pat or touch the head of anyone. The head is the highest part of the body. Many South Asians carry good luck charms in their shirt pockets instead of their pants pockets, because the higher up you go on the body the more evolved it is. In passages from the Riga Veda that justify the caste system the head of primordial man gave birth to the highest castes while the feet gave birth to the lowest ones.
Home Customs in Nepal
Nepalese don't generally invite non-family members to their homes. They like socializing but do so outside the home. Homes are generally reserved for family members. If you are invited to someone's home, plan to show up a half hour to an hour late.
As a mark of respect Nepalis usually take their shoes off before entering someone’s Take off your shoes at the entrance to the house. Appreciated gifts include electronics and gifts from your home country, Gifts are opened privately.
Never enter the kitchen of someone of high caste. If you touch something there you may effectively pollute the entire kitchen and a special cleansing ceremony is required by a Brahman priest to purify it again. Until that cleansing is done, no food can be prepared there.
Eating Customs in Nepal
Most families eat from individual plates while seated on the floor. Though some urbanites use Western utensils (cutlery, forks and knives) , it is more common to eat with the hands, particularly the right hand.
A common greeting in Nepal is “Have you eaten yet?” Men and women often eat separately. Men and children often eat first while they are served by the woman of the house, who eats when everyone else is finished. Nepalis do not eat beef. The main reason for this is that Hindus worship cows. The cow is also the national animal of Nepal.
Nepalese generally sit on the floor, often cross-legged on woven “gundri” mats, and are expected to wash their hands before they eat and vigorously wash out their mouth when they finish. Plates and utensil are often rinsed in water, without dish soap, by Hindus to ritually purify them.
When eating with Nepalese don't serve yourself. Wait for food to be served to you. Don't touch the food of others or food eaten by the group. This may contaminate the food according to caste beliefs. Using the left hand to give or take also goes against local customs.
Some people eat their hands, South Asian style. Eat with your right hand. The hand used for eating must not touch anything else unless it has been thoroughly washed, for saliva is considered defiling. Drinking using the left hand is okay. When consuming dahl baht by hand, pour the dahl (lentils) over the rice, add some vegetable curry or pickles and then pick them up with your hand, using your thumb to push the food on your fingers, and place it your mouth. It can be messy. If you are not sure what to do watch the Nepalese.
The division of pure and impure is very pronounced when eating. “Jutho”, referring to food or material touched by another’s mouth directly or indirectly, is considered impure by Nepalis. and, therefore, is not accepted unless among close friends or family. Don’t place red peppers on someone’s plate. The is sign that they are going to engage in argument soon. Put them on the side of the plate.
Don't eat food purchased at food stalls until after you have purchased it. Nepalese don’t split the bill. Usually the person who does the inviting pays. According to Nepalese custom one friend pays for tea one day and the next the other friend plays. Higher castes are often reluctant to eat food prepared by strangers because they worry about the strangers being from lower castes. One way they avoid this is not eating out.
Drinking and Hospitality Customs in Nepal
Hospitality is important. Guests are always offered food and drink are not expected to help out with serving food or cleaning up afterwards. At dinner parties the food is often served late and guest leave soon after eating. To please you host eat a lot of food and complement the rice,
Many people drink water without touching their lips to the container. When drinking from a common water vessel, people do not touch the rim to their lips. Food or material that has been touched by another person’s mouth is considered impure or “jutho” and, therefore, is not accepted unless among close friends or family. One should only eat using the right hand but drinking using a container held in the left hand is okay.
Nepalese go through great lengths not to touch their lips to a drinking cup (they pour the water into their mouth) so as not pollute the water consumed by other castes. Since rice is cooked with water there are special rules on who can eat with whom. Some upper castes only eat rice they prepare themselves.
Dietary customs are closely related to caste. High caste Hindus are strictly vegetarian and do not drink alcohol. Other castes can drink alcohol and even eat pork, or even under some circumstances beef (from water buffalo). Traditionally, caste rules dictated who can eat with whom or receive food from whom. Caste rules are more relaxed today than they were in past, especially among places linked with tourists. [Source: “Countries and Their Cultures”, The Gale Group Inc., 2001]
At weddings and other big events, feasts are generally hosted by the families directly involved. A large number of guests are often invited. It is customary for guests to sit on woven straw mats on the ground outside their houses. Sometimes people sit rows that separate castes. Food is often served on a leaf that can be easily disposed and prevents the problem of different castes touching it. Such customs can vary quite from caste to caste and among different ethnic groups.
Temple Customs in Nepal
Non-Hindus are not allowed to enter some temples or some parts (particularly the inner sanctum) of temples. Sometimes there are signs indicating where non-Hindus are not allowed. Sometimes there are not. People should avoid entering a temple with items made from leather since cows are regarded as sacred. Women are not supposed to enter Hindu temples when the are menstruating. Some temples have two doors. One is for menstruating women and people from lower castes. The other is for ordinary Hindus. As an expression of respect Nepalis usually take their shoes off before entering a place of worship.
Hindu temples that allow non-Hindus generally require visitors to remove their shoes and headwear. Short pants and skirts are often regarded as inappropriate dress. Men wearing shorts are sometimes given a sarong or robe at the entrance. Women should have their knees and arms covered. It is important to step over the threshold not on it when entering a temple. When moving around inside a temple or outside always move in a clockwise circular direction, with your right side facing the venerated object. To walk in a counterclockwise direction is regarded as inauspicious and disrespectful to the temple god.
Walking around Hindu and Buddhist temples or Buddhist stupas is traditionally done clockwise. Visitors to temples are sometimes offered a pieces of coconut or banana. It is considered a great honor to be offered these things. One should take it and eat it. It is considered sacrilegious to refuse. If you are worried about eating it for health reasons give it to someone else. Don't throw it away. If someone puts a thread bracelet around your arm, you are expected to give them a few rupees.
Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons
Text Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Lonely Planet Guides, Library of Congress, Nepal Tourism Board (ntb.gov.np), Nepal Government National Portal (nepal.gov.np), The Guardian, National Geographic, Smithsonian magazine, The New Yorker, Time, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Wikipedia and various books, websites and other publications.
Last updated February 2022