ETIQUETTE AND CUSTOMS IN INDONESIA

helping each other mine sulfur from Ijen volcano in eastern Java

In crowded public settings—on a Jakarta bus, in post office lines, or at a football match—Indonesian behavior may appear hurried and physical, with pushing and jostling common. In markets or pedicabs, bargaining can slow transactions. Foreigners, especially Westerners, may attract attention, with children calling out “Belanda” or youths shouting “Hey, Mister.” In some areas, a young woman walking or cycling alone may face harassment from young men. Yet this public behavior contrasts sharply with the norms observed in private spaces. [Source: Clark E. Cunningham, Countries and Their Cultures, Gale Group Inc., 2001]

Inside an Indonesian home, etiquette emphasizes calmness, politeness, and sociability. Conversations are soft-spoken, often filled with humor and laughter. People sit properly, with feet on the floor and legs uncrossed, while guests, men, and elders receive the best seating and respectful treatment. Strong emotions and abrupt gestures are avoided in front of guests. Refreshments are always offered—though not immediately—and guests wait to be invited before eating or drinking. Patience is valued, displays of greed are discouraged, and hosts may offer generous meals while modestly apologizing for their simplicity.

Social customs also shape everyday interactions. The right hand is used to give and receive items, following Muslim practice, while the left hand is reserved for personal hygiene. Guests are served with a slight bow, and younger people show respect to elders in similar ways. Handshakes between men are gentle, sometimes followed by touching the heart. Negative emotions such as anger or jealousy are typically concealed, and disagreements are handled with smiles and restraint. Direct eye contact, especially with social superiors, is often avoided. Punctuality is flexible—sometimes referred to as “rubber time”—though foreigners may still be expected to arrive on time. Public displays of affection between men and women are uncommon, while same-sex friends may walk hand in hand.

Books: “The Traveler's Guide to Asian Customs & Manners” by Elizabeth Devine and Nancy L. Braganti; “Culture Shock, a Guide to Customs and Etiquette,” Indonesia by Cathie Draine and Barbara Hall.

Adat

Two men performing Silek lanyah, traditional martial arts of the Minangkabau people in West Sumatra; Silek lanyah is always performed in a muddy paddy field

Adat is a term used to describe customary laws. For most Indonesians, adat defines the proper way of doing things, shaping everything from religious ceremonies and daily social interactions to marriage arrangements and the handling of crimes such as theft or murder. It represents a set of long-established norms—ways of thinking and living that are regarded as correct and authoritative because they have been passed down over generations. [Source: Jill Forshee, “Culture and Customs of Indonesia”, Greenwood Press, 2006]

Adat predates outside influences such as colonialism, world religions, national laws, and modern social changes. In an era marked by global media, tourism, education, and increased mobility, it continues to provide a sense of continuity and cohesion. Rooted in the veneration of ancestors, adat reflects the belief that the customs inherited from earlier generations offer reliable guidance for maintaining an orderly and meaningful life. Across both villages and urban neighborhoods, many Indonesians see it as a time-tested and civilized system that still works.

Religion and moral values in Indonesia are closely tied to social obligations, etiquette, and ritual practices that promote harmony and stability—conditions that are deeply valued. Adat serves as the foundation for maintaining this balance. For example, the slametan ceremony practiced by many Muslims in Java reinforces community harmony while marking important family events. This communal feast is held to acknowledge life changes such as birth, death, circumcision, illness, or the start of a new business, bringing people together in shared ritual and mutual support.

Within this worldview, violations of adat or improper behavior—such as disrespect toward elders—can invite misfortune, including illness, accidents, or other personal setbacks. Rituals like the slametan, along with the offering of food, serve to restore balance and appease potentially disruptive spirits. In this way, the slametan exemplifies how Javanese adat blends animistic traditions with Islamic practice, creating a distinctive and enduring cultural ritual.

Different Customs Among Different Groups in Indonesia

Javanese, Chinese, and other Indonesian groups maintain distinct cultural norms, and differences in etiquette and social expectations can be striking. Among the Javanese, social behavior is guided by a strong distinction between refined (halus) and crude (kasar) conduct. Proper speech, demeanor, and emotional restraint are highly valued, and individuals—especially children—are expected to learn and embody these refined qualities. Those who do not may be seen as lacking proper cultural upbringing. [Source: Clark E. Cunningham, Countries and Their Cultures, Gale Group Inc., 2001]

In contrast, groups such as the Batak place greater value on directness and openness. Batak communication tends to be frank and sometimes confrontational, which Javanese may interpret as kasar. Social expectations within families can also differ: for example, a Batak man’s wife may be expected to extend service and hospitality to his male relatives, a practice that may feel uncomfortable or inappropriate from a Javanese perspective.

The Bugis present yet another contrast. While Javanese culture often emphasizes restraint, avoidance of conflict, and maintaining harmony—even through smiling or withdrawing—the Bugis tend to respect individuals who actively defend their honor, sometimes forcefully. What a Javanese person sees as politeness and self-control may be viewed by a Bugis as weakness, while Bugis assertiveness may appear overly aggressive to Javanese observers.

Chinese Indonesians, depending on regional and family traditions, often emphasize discipline, pragmatism, and strong family-based obligations, which can differ from both Javanese refinement and the more direct styles of other groups. Their approaches to business, communication, and social hierarchy may reflect a blend of local adaptation and inherited cultural values.

These contrasting norms can lead to misunderstandings in everyday interactions. A Javanese woman married to a Batak man, for instance, may resent expectations placed on her by her husband’s relatives. A polite Javanese greeting toward a Bugis woman could be misinterpreted as inappropriate familiarity, provoking tension from her male relatives. Likewise, a Batak superior who publicly criticizes a Javanese subordinate may unintentionally cause both parties to lose face within a Javanese framework that values discretion and indirectness.

As migration and urbanization bring different groups into closer contact—Javanese moving to outer islands and non-Javanese settling in Java—these cultural differences become more visible. In response, some groups, such as Batak migrants, even organize informal lessons to help newcomers adapt to Javanese and Sundanese norms. Despite these efforts, the potential for interethnic tension remains, rooted largely in differing ideas about respect, communication, and proper behavior.

Public Customs in Indonesia

Travel writer Norman Lewis wrote: "Keep a low profile. In Indonesia that is the golden rule." Public displays of affection between different sexes frowned upon. Physical contact between members of the opposite sex are minimal. Respect towards older people is greatly valued. In villages, and even in urban middle class neighbors, local elders have a lot of influence and power. Aggressive behavior is frowned upon. Publicly humiliating someone in Indonesian culture is considered unforgivable bad manners.

No physical contact between men and women is made in public, except a possible handshake. In Indonesia, it is common to see boys walking arm and arm and girls holding hands. It is not uncommon for people of the same gender to hold hands when walking together. This is a sign of friendship, not sexual preference. In most areas of the country it is considered improper for a girl and boy to hold hands or put their arms around each other. It is not appropriate for an adult man to touch an adult woman beyond a handshake in a social setting, unless they are related. [Source: expat.or.id ]

Stand closely to the others when you are waitinh in line when you queue in Indonesia. Expect “VIPs” to push in! It is regarded as polite to bow slightly when you walk in front of someone who is seated or interrupting somebody. Never eat while walking in public, or chew on a toothpick. Yawning in public is inappropriate (cover your mouth if you must yawn).

Squatting and Using of the Left Hand in Indonesia

For Indonesians, squatting (mejeng/jongkok) is a very natural and comfortable position, and they can remain in it for a long time feeling totally relaxed. You will often see groups of men or children by the roadside, just passing the time, smoking and chatting while squatting. They are taught from an early age to adopt this position with their feet flat on the ground, which is very difficult for most Westerners. This is also the most natural and comfortable way for most Indonesians to use the toilet, which is why squat toilets are prevalent even in some luxurious shopping malls and office buildings. [Source: expat.or.id ***]

Throughout Indonesian society, the left hand is used for 'toilet duties' and is therefore considered unclean. It is considered rude and offensive in Indonesia to hand someone something with your left hand, especially food or drink, or to shake hands with it. When you consider where that person's left hand has been, you probably wouldn't want anything from it anyway!

If your right hand is occupied, it is best to switch the item to your left before receiving something. If you are forced to hand something to someone with your left hand due to circumstances beyond your control, acknowledge the cultural slight by saying 'Maaf, tangan kiri' (Sorry, left hand). (Sorry, I had to use my left hand). This cultural idiosyncrasy puts left-handed people at a constant disadvantage in society. You may wonder what left-handed Indonesians do. Indonesian children are trained from a very early age to use their 'tangan manis' (sweet hand) and are urged to do everything with their right hand. ***

Burping, Coughing, Staring and Spitting in Indonesia

It is not considered impolite to burp, and can even be regarded as a sign of appreciation of a good meal, therefore Indonesians generally do not excuse themselves after burping. Spitting is particularly common during the fasting month. Some strict Muslims refuse to swallow their own saliva while fasting, and spit saliva onto the ground or in the street. Gargling and spitting is part of the ritual cleansing before Muslim prayers. In some places people spit betelnut juice.

Traditional and less educated people in Indonesia are not accustomed to carrying handkerchiefs or tissues, and they often do not understand how diseases are spread. Therefore, it is not unusual to see people coughing or sneezing in public without covering their mouth or nose. If your domestic staff or driver have this habit, you should explain your concerns to them and provide them with tissues, asking them to cover their mouth or nose when coughing or sneezing. Alternatively, you could suggest that they cough or sneeze into their sleeve rather than their hands, as this prevents germs from spreading when they come into contact with other things. [Source: expat.or.id ***]

In Indonesia, it is not considered impolite to stare. Sometimes, when you are out in public, you may find yourself the object of stares. Adults will point you out to their children and people will stop what they are doing to watch you! The fewer foreigners there are in the area, the more stares you are likely to receive. Most expats just ignore the stares. There's really nothing you can do about it. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, it will always happen! Many expats 'cope' by creating a kind of mental bubble around themselves or adopting a kind of tunnel vision to deal with the discomfort.

Mosque and Temple Etiquette in Indonesia

Take your shoes off and dress appropriately when entering a mosque or Hindu or Buddhist temple. Men wearing shorts, are sometimes given robes at the entrance. Women should have their knees and arms covered. Some temples in Bali require visitors to wear a sarong. Sarongs are often available at the entrance for Westerners. Some temples also require visitors to remove their shoes. Inside a temple make sure your head is never higher than the head of the priest . When someone is praying, you can go beside or in back of them but never walk in front of them. Women are not supposed to enter a temple when menstruating. Don't sit with one foot resting on the other knee. It is considered rude.

Mosques and temples are sometimes not open to women or non-Muslims or have a separate area for them. One should ask for permission before entering. Those that do welcome them expect them to be appropriately dressed: no shorts, short skirts, revealing halter tops or exposed shoulders. Mosques that allow women often require them to at least wear a head scarf. Some require them to cover their entire bodies, except the face, hands and feet, and not wear trousers. Sometimes mosques provide women who don’t have one with a head scarf. Sometimes they have robes for men wearing shorts.

The Muslim faithful are expected to remove their shoes and wash their feet in a sacred basin before they enter the mosque. If no water is available Muslims are supposed to wash themselves with sand. Foreign visitors can usually get away with just removing their shoes and are not required to wash their feet. In any case, make sure you feet or socks are clean. Dirty feet in a mosques are regarded as an insult to Islam. In large mosques you remove your shoes and place them on a shelf in a place with a number under it.

Inside a mosque don't walk in front of someone who is praying, don't touch the Koran, never sit or stand on a prayer rug and never place a Koran on the floor or put anything on top of it. Also, don't cross your legs in front of an older people and don't step over someone who is sitting down. Show respect, remain quiet and stay out of the way. Taking photographs is frowned upon. Some historical mosques require visitors to pay an admission fee. Some also require them to pay an attendant a small fee for taking care of their shoes. It is best for foreigner to avoid visiting mosques at prayer time on Friday. Women and men are segregated in many mosques.

Gestures and Body Language in Indonesia

Gestures in Indonesia: 1) In Indonesian the thumbs up sing means "You go first." 2) Don't pat someone on the head even though you see Indonesians doing this with children all the time. 3) Do not put your hands into your pockets when talking with someone. 4) Don't cross your legs in front of an older people and don't step over someone with crossed legs who is sitting down. 5) Both sexes frequently cover their mouths when laughing as showing teeth may connote animal-like behavior.

Never give or receive something by the left hand. It is considered impolite. You should give and receive things with your right hand. In the rural areas in Java, giving and receiving with both hands, with the body slightly downward is okay. "The Koran states the right hand is more honorable.” Left handed children are taught from an early age to use their right hands.

6) Don't gesture to someone by pointing. Pointing out something you want or pointing out directions is okay. Do not crook your index finger to call someone over. This gesture is offensive. Signal someone to come with you palm down. Beckoning is done with the palm faced down. Western-style becking with the index finger is considered rude. When you point at something or someone, never use your index finger. In Java, it’s common to use your thumb instead.

7) One should not talk with their hands on their hips. Placing the hands on the hips indicates anger. In a wayang shadow puppet show", that kind of position is for somebody who is ready to physically fight. 8) Don't expose the soles of your feet. 9) Do not put your legs on the table, while you are sitting down on the chair, when there are people around. The local people do not like this ’cowboy style’ of sitting down. While in North America this shows that the person is in a relaxed position, in Indonesia, it means arrogance and being impolite.

10) When walking past people, slightly bow your body and put your right hand in front of your body as you walk in front of someone. And don’t forget to say “permisi”. 11) When a concern/issue is “keciiiiiiil.” Touch the tip of your thumb with your index finger and then flick your index finger away. This gesture accompanies the phrase, “Masalah itu kecil sekali sampai bisa disentil” or “That problem is so easy to handle it’s like flicking away a speck of dust.” 12) “Kassseeehaaaan deh loe” was made famous by a sinetron in the early 1990s. Together with the index-finger-swipe-gesture it’s the Indonesian equivalent of “bring out the violins” or “poor, pitiful you”. “Kasihan deh loe!” The gesture lends the phrase a certain sarcasm.

Proper Dress and Clothes in Indonesia

Neatness in grooming is prized, whether on a crowded hot bus or at a festival. Civil servants wear neat uniforms to work, as do schoolchildren and teachers. How you dress for work depends where you work, but usually what Westerners consider casual formal. Be clean and wear ironed clothes. Men and women shouldn’t wear shorts to work. Dress pants and jeans (depending) are acceptable for men with short-sleeved shirts. Customs also differs depending on where you are based. In Muslim areas, women should not wear tank tops or sleeveless tops; your arms need to be covered. However in Bali, it is acceptable to wear sleeveless tops. In some situations don't wear yellow (it is the color of royalty) and don't wear black.[Source: Canadian Centre for Intercultural Learning, intercultures.gc.ca ]

1) Women should wear long-sleeve blouses and skirts that cover the knee. 2) Women meeting in a more formal office should wear a suit with hosiery. 3) Women are limited to clothing colors that are muted or dark. Leave brightly colored clothing at home. 4) Women must always cover their upper arms when wearing a casual blouse. 5) Women should not sit with their legs apart even when wearing pants. [Source: Imam Shamshad A. Nasir cyborlink.com]

1) Men should wear coat and tie until appropriate to dress more casually. Follow the lead of those you are meeting with. 2) Men generally wear dark slacks, long sleeve and light colored shirt, and tie (no jacket). 3) "Lounge suit" requires men to wear a business suit. This term may be included on an invitation. 4) Men may find in a very casual business office that a short sleeve shirt and no tie would be appropriate. 5) Jeans may be worn for very casual, but never shorts for men or women. Even though the climate is warm and humid, proper attire even for very casual appearance will always dictate your choice of clothing.

Home Customs in Indonesia

Indonesians like to entertain at home more than at restaurants. Part of it part is the Muslim hospitality thing. Guest often begin eating soon after they arrive. When welcoming people through a door or entryway (“silakan masuk“), gesture using your palm or thumb (never use your index finger to point or gesture!).

Indonesians believe that visits bring honor to the host, and they warmly welcome all guests. Unannounced visits are common. When a visit has been prearranged it is usual to arrive half an hour after the appointed time. Visitors sit when invited to, but will also rise when the host or hostess enters the room, because deference to one’s host is very important. A drink is often served, but a guest does not drink until invited to. A person may cause offense by refusing when food or drink is offered. Blunt talk should be avoided. If the host or hostess is not wearing footwear, it is polite for visitors to remove theirs. Shoes are removed before entering carpeted rooms, feasting places, places of funeral viewings, mosques, and other holy places. Gifts are not opened in the giver’s presence.

Indonesians generally take their shoes off and leave them on the front porch before entering a house. Don't have holes in your socks. Do not touch the Koran or sit or stand on a prayer rug. People often sit on he floor. When sitting in the floor women should tuck their legs underneath them, turned down on the floor. and men should sit cross legged. Don't step over someone's cross legs. Males should sit with their feet crossed at the ankles. In Indonesian, this pose is called “bersila“.

In rural areas men often eat separately from women. Many middle class people have servants. They are often treated like members of the family. Even so it is considered insulting to offer to help them.

The toilet and the bath are often in separate rooms. There are often buckets of water in the toilet. Indonesians and Indians wash themselves every time they go to the bathroom. Sometimes only cold water showers are available. Some people take two or three showers a day because of the heat and humidity.

Foreigners are expected to be punctual and always present unless you are really ill. The local people might behave differently, especially if they are of a higher social status than you are, or if they are your boss. Then they will then have the privilege of being on "jam karet", which literally means ’Rubber Time’ (to stretch the time or be late). [Source: Canadian Centre for Intercultural Learning, intercultures.gc.ca ]

Eating Customs in Indonesia

Men, women and children usually eat together when there are no guests. When guests are present the men often eat together in the living room, while the women and children act as servants. Muslim Indonesians have traditionally used their left "dirty" hand to take care of wiping their dirty body parts and other "unclean" bodily functions. As a result, Muslim Indonesians never eat or touch someone with their left hand. There are many street vendors selling food, but people who purchase food should always sit to eat because it is considered inappropriate to eat while standing or walking on the street. [Source: “The Traveler's Guide to Asian Customs & Manners” by Elizabeth Devine and Nancy L. Braganti.

Food is eaten—usually quite rapidly and without speaking—with the fingertips or with a spoon and fork. Water is generally drunk only after the meal, when men (rarely women) smoke their distinctive clove-scented kretek cigarettes. It is impolite to eat or drink until invited to do so by the host. Finishing a drink implies the desire for the glass to be refilled.

According to kwintessential.co.uk: Dining etiquette is generally relaxed but depends on the setting and context. The more formal the occasion the more formal the behaviour. Below are some basic dining etiquette tips. 1) Wait to be shown to your place - as a guest you will have a specific position. 2) Food is often taken from a shared dish in the middle. You will be served the food and it would not be considered rude if you helped yourself after that. 3) If food is served buffet style then the guest is generally asked to help themselves first. It is considered polite that the guest insist others go before him/her but this would never happen. 4) In formal situations, men are served before women. 5) Wait to be invited to eat before you start. 6) A fork and spoon are often the only utensils at the place setting. Depending on the situation some people may use their hands. 7) Eat or pass food with your right hand only. [Source: kwintessential.co.uk]

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: “Encyclopedia of World Cultures Volume 5: East/Southeast Asia:” edited by Paul Hockings, 1993; “Culture and Customs of Indonesia” by Jill Forshee, Greenwood Press, 2006; National Geographic, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, Encyclopedia.com, Library of Congress, Indonesia Tourism website (indonesia.travel), Indonesia government websites, Live Science, The Conversation, The New Yorker, Time, BBC, CNN, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Lonely Planet Guides, Google AI, Wikipedia, The Guardian and various websites, books and other publications.

Last updated April 2026