KINDS OF MARRIAGE IN INDIA
Marriage customs vary a great deal from region to region, caste to caste, and even village to village. Essentially, India is divided into two large regions with regard to Hindu kinship and marriage practices, the north and the south. Additionally, various ethnic and tribal groups of the central, mountainous north, and eastern regions follow a variety of other practices. These variations have been extensively described and analyzed by anthropologists, especially Irawati Karve, David G. Mandelbaum, and Clarence Maloney.
Cross cousin marriage are common, particularly in southern India. This means marriage to the mother’s brother’s daughter or the father’s sister’s son. One survey by Life magazine found that 20 percent of all marriages are unions between uncles and nieces. It is not uncommon in southern India for a young man to marry his sister’s daughter. These kinds of marriages have traditionally served as a means for families to keep money withing the family.
Hinduism has traditionally permitted polygamy although it is now outlawed by Indian law. In the old days, a Hindu man could take a second wife if the first wife agreed. It was generally frowned upon for a man to take a second wife for no good reason. But if, for example, the first wife was not able to produce any children then it was deemed acceptable. Men in wealthy ruling families used to have harems.
Levirate marriages in which a widow married her husband's brother is an old tradition among Hindus. It was developed to make sure the widow was looked after. Marriage by capture used to be practiced by the Hindu Aryans.
Rules for the remarriage of widows differ from one group to another. Generally, lower-ranking groups allow widow remarriage, particularly if the woman is relatively young, but the highest-ranking castes discourage or forbid such remarriage. The most strict adherents to the nonremarriage of widows are Brahmans. Almost all groups allow widowers to remarry. Many groups encourage a widower to marry his deceased wife's younger sister (but never her older sister). [Source: Library of Congress, 1995*]
Weddings of Different Indian Groups
The Muslim wedding ceremony is considered complete after the “Istikhara”, the settlement of the marriage contract. The groom’s mother, her female friends, and relatives give sweets to the bride. The bride’s guardian accept them and offers refreshment to the groom’s party. Often times the bride’s face is concealed behind a veil during the ceremony and is revealed to the groom and his family after the ceremony. Then a “Iman Zamin”, coin wrapped in silk, is wrapped around the bride’s right arm. The Parsi wedding ceremony has many similarities with the Hindu ceremony. The hands of the bride and groom are tied together and they recite Sanskrit “shlokas” (“blessings”).
The Tamil wedding ceremony is generally performed by a Brahman priest or a caste priest at the home of the bride. The bride’s family pays for most expenses of the wedding and is expected to provide a dowry, whose value depends on the wealth and education level of the family. Large brass vessels are given as wedding presents. Most couples move in with the groom’s family or at least into his village.
At upper class and royal Rajput weddings, the groom wears a golden turban and a string of emeralds around his neck. The wedding procession features caparisoned elephants and prancing horses. Before a Rajput wedding of a son of a raja the groom sits on a throne where he is entertained by dancing girls. The bride's face is covered. The government has limited the amount of food and drink that can be served to eliminate the extravagant of the past. [Source: Raghubir Singh, National Geographic, February 1977]
The Gonds are regarded as the largest tribal group in India and are one of the largest tribal groups in the world. They live primarily in eastern Madhya Pradesh. The marriage is sanctified when the couple walks seven times around a pole erected in a wedding booth.
North Indian Marriages
Broadly, in the Indo-Aryan-speaking north, a family seeks marriage alliances with people to whom it is not already linked by ties of blood. Marriage arrangements often involve looking far afield. In the Dravidian-speaking south, a family seeks to strengthen existing kin ties through marriage, preferably with blood relatives. Kinship terminology reflects this basic pattern. In the north, every kinship term clearly indicates whether the person referred to is a blood relation or an affinal relation; all blood relatives are forbidden as marriage mates to a person or a person's children. In the south, there is no clear-cut distinction between the family of birth and the family of marriage. Because marriage in the south commonly involves a continuing exchange of daughters among a few families, for the married couple all relatives are ultimately blood kin. Dravidian terminology stresses the principle of relative age: all relatives are arranged according to whether they are older or younger than each other without reference to generation.*
On the Indo-Gangetic Plain, marriages are contracted outside the village, sometimes even outside of large groups of villages, with members of the same caste beyond any traceable consanguineal ties. In much of the area, daughters should not be given into villages where daughters of the family or even of the natal village have previously been given. In most of the region, brother-sister exchange marriages (marriages linking a brother and sister of one household with the sister and brother of another) are shunned. The entire emphasis is on casting the marriage net ever-wider, creating new alliances. The residents of a single village may have in-laws in hundreds of other villages.*
In most of North India, the Hindu bride goes to live with strangers in a home she has never visited. There she is sequestered and veiled, an outsider who must learn to conform to new ways. Her natal family is often geographically distant, and her ties with her consanguineal kin undergo attenuation to varying degrees.*
In central India, the basic North Indian pattern prevails, with some modifications. For example, in Madhya Pradesh, village exogamy is preferred, but marriages within a village are not uncommon. Marriages between caste-fellows in neighboring villages are frequent. Brother-sister exchange marriages are sometimes arranged, and daughters are often given in marriage to lineages where other daughters of their lineage or village have previously been wed.*
South Indian Marriages
In South India, in sharp contrast, marriages are preferred between cousins (especially cross-cousins, that is, the children of a brother and sister) and even between uncles and nieces (especially a man and his elder sister's daughter). The principle involved is that of return — the family that gives a daughter expects one in return, if not now, then in the next generation. The effect of such marriages is to bind people together in relatively small, tight-knit kin groups. A bride moves to her in-laws' home — the home of her grandmother or aunt — and is often comfortable among these familiar faces. Her husband may well be the cousin she has known all her life that she would marry.*
Many South Indian marriages are contracted outside of such close kin groups when no suitable mates exist among close relatives, or when other options appear more advantageous. Some sophisticated South Indians, for example, consider cousin marriage and uncle-niece marriage outmoded.*
Hindu Marriages
According to the Hindu scholar Dr. Krishna Nath Chatterjuee, “The purpose of the Hindu marriage is to have sexual relations, continuity of race, and discharging of religion, and social duties...In terms of the Hindu stages of life, marriage is the key to the second stage, that of the householder.” See Religion.
Hindus believe that marriage is a "holy, indissoluble union of families as well as individuals." A Hindu marriage ceremony signifies the occupation of a new house. This tradition date back to Aryan era hundred of years before Christ. Producing a son is one of the primary aims of a marriage.
Rama and Sita, the hero and heroine of the epic “Ramayana”, are considered the ideal married couple. Sita remained faithful to Rama even though she was separated from him for many years. Unmarried girls perform prayer rituals, called “vrata”, that involve fasting on a weekly basis, taking an early morning bath and picking certain flowers and leaves and pouring water over Shiva and chanting, "May I have a husband like Rama/ May I have a father-in-law like Dasharatha/ May I have a mother-in-law like Kaushalya/May I have a brother-in-law like Lakshmana/ May I be a wife like Sita.”
Muslim Marriages in India
Among Muslims of both the north and the south, marriage between cousins is encouraged, both cross-cousins (the children of a brother and sister) and parallel cousins (the children of two same-sex siblings). In the north, such cousins grow up calling each other "brother" and "sister", yet they may marry. Even when cousin marriage does not occur, spouses can often trace between them other kinship linkages.*
Muslims have their own marriage code and separate civil laws that govern marriage and divorce that are different from those of Hindus and other Indians. Wealth and names have traditionally been passed down on patrilineal lines and married couples have traditionally lived with the groom’s parents. Parallel cousin marriages are common among Muslims in India. Cross cousin marriages are also common. Muslims frequently marry cousins to keep wealth in their family and to maintain the purity of lineage and family solidarity.
Marriage requires a payment by the husband to the wife and the solemnization of a marital contract in a social gathering. Marriage ceremonies include the donning of a nose ring by the bride, or in South India a wedding necklace, and the procession of the bridegroom. In a traditional wedding, males and females attend ceremonies in different rooms, in keeping with the segregation of sexes in most social settings. [Source: Library of Congress]
Elderly women usually act as marriage go-betweens and conduct searches for prospective mates. In the old days girls often married off young. These days an effort is made to make sure they get at least some education first. Certain attributes are looked for in desirable marriage candidates: similar status, good family and no hints of scandal. Usually the proposal process is initiated by the young man’s side. For the girls’ family to initiate the process is considered humiliating. If both sides reach an agreement arrangements for a wedding are made.
The wedding ceremony is considered complete after the “Istikhara”, the settlement of the marriage contract. The groom’s mother, her female friends, and relatives give sweets to the bride. The bride’s guardian accept them and offers refreshment to the groom’s party. Often times the bride’s face is concealed behind a veil during the ceremony and is revealed to the groom and his family after the ceremony. Then a “Iman Zamin”, coin wrapped in silk, is wrapped around the bride’s right arm.
Sikh and Parsi Marriage and Wedding Customs
Sikh weddings unfold over several days. The groom’s family gives a thread with five knots to the parents of the bride. A knot is untied on each of the five days before the wedding so the wedding day is not forgotten in all the excitement of the parties and celebrations that go along with it. The custom dates to a time when there were no calendars. Marriages between Sikhs and Hindus have traditionally been within castes.
The wedding is often held at the bride’s house. On the day before the wedding friends of the bride stay at the bride’s house and paint hand prints on the walls to bring good luck. The bride’s relatives draw a circle and place a piece of wood from a fruit tree in the middle so that the marriage will be fruitful. Leaves are packed above the door of the house to signal a wedding is going to take place. Hymns are sung and oil and herbal powder are placed in the bride’s hair to make her beautiful. Sweet pancakes are served to the guests. Women dance to folk songs. Hennas designs are made on the bride’s hands and feet.
On the wedding day, relatives and guests go the bride’s’s house and bring gifts of coconuts, sugar and money . The festivities begin in earnest when the groom arrives on a white horse along with procession made up of friends and relatives accompanied by musicians. They are greeted by the men of the bride’s family. As they enter the house the groom is teased by the bride’s sisters and friends.
Parsis have traditionally been strictly monogamous within the group. Given the community’s small size and the strict rules about marriage and membership to the Parsi community it is not surprising that people who are relatively closely related are married to one another. Marriages between cousins are not uncommon. Marriage between uncles and nieces sometimes occur but not nearly as often as they used to be.
The Parsi wedding ceremony has many similarities with the Hindu ceremony. The hands of the bride and groom are tied together and they recite Sanskrit “shlokas” (“blessings”) Parsi women who marry non-Parsis are strictly excluded from the Parsi community along with their offspring. Divorce rates are higher among Parsis than among other Indian communities, in part because it is relatively easy to get a divorce. Parsi women used to get married in their 20s and have 4 to 5 children. Now they get married later and have fewer children.
Sikh Wedding
Sikh weddings unfold over several days. The groom’s family gives a thread with five knots to the parents of the bride. A knot is untied on each of the five days before the wedding so the wedding day is not forgotten in all the excitement of the parties and celebrations that go along with it. The custom dates to a time when there were no calendars. Marriages between Sikhs and Hindus have traditionally been within castes.
The wedding is often held at the bride’s house. On the day before the wedding friends of the bride stay at the bride’s house and paint hand prints on the walls to bring good luck. The bride’s relatives draw a circle and place a piece of wood from a fruit tree in the middle so that the marriage will be fruitful. Leaves are packed above the door of the house to signal a wedding is going to take place. Hymns are sung and oil and herbal powder are placed in the bride’s hair to make her beautiful. Sweet pancakes are served to the guests. Women dance to folk songs. Hennas designs are made on the bride’s hands and feet.
On the wedding day, relatives and guests go the bride’s’s house and bring gifts of coconuts, sugar and money . The festivities begin in earnest when the groom arrives on a white horse along with procession made up of friends and relatives accompanied by musicians. They are greeted by the men of the bride’s family. As they enter the house the groom is teased by the bride’s sisters and friends.
Sikh Wedding Ceremony
The Sikh wedding ceremony is called the “Aanand Karaj” (“ceremony of bliss”). It often held before dawn and is presided over by a pious man or woman who is respected in the community. The bride usually wears a red garment decorated with gold designs. She wear wedding jewelry and has a decorative shawl pulled over her face. The groom carries a long ceremonial sword, wears a bejeweled dark red turban and covers his face with a mask called a “klagri”. Both share a long scarf when they take their wedding vows.
During the ceremony hymns are sung and the couple sits in front of a copy of the “Granth”. The respected person tells the coup and the parents to stand up and invokes a blessing to God and tells them the obligation of married life: 1) being faithful to one another; 2) being good to one in hard times; 3) celebrating each other joys; and 4) being respectful to each other’ families. Passages of the “Granath” are read while singers repeat the words. The couple’s say their vows and accept the duties of marriage.
Garlands are placed around necks of the bride and groom by the bride’s father, who also places one end of a scarf in the hands of the groom, who in turn gives the other end to the bride, who doesn't look at the groom . Holding the scarf, the couple walks clockwise around “Granth” four times, afterwards they are declared and wife. More hymns are sung. During the final lap around the holy book flower pedals are tossed by guests on the couple.
After the ceremony music is played and friends make speeches about the bride and groom. All sign a register. Food made from flour and sugar are eaten. Sometimes the men attend a banquet hosted by the bride’s family, often with music and dancing. When the bride’s’ father returns he says a final goodby to his daughter. The bride leaves with the groom and his family.
Bengali Marriage
Bengali marriages have traditionally been arranged with customs dependent on whether the families involved were Muslims or Hindus. For example, polygamy is allowed and marriages between cousins are fairly common among Muslims while polygamy is discouraged and matrilineal cousin marriage are forbidden among Hindus.
Among Hindus, marriage generally takes place within restrictions. Women marrying upwards in caste is not forbidden but marrying downward is strongly discouraged. Bengali Muslims are not hemmed in by caste restrictions but social rank and status are important in the selection of a partner. Although cousin marriages are allowed there is no evidence that they are preferred and their incidence is not high. Among both Hindus and Muslims, newlyweds generally move in with the groom’s family.
The divorce rate among Muslim is generally higher because divorces are easier to obtain. The remarriage rate among widows and widowers is much higher among Muslims. Islam also does not discourage widow remarriage like Hinduism does.
Tamil Marriage
Among Tamils, Dravidians and people of South India, cross-cousin marriages are common and households are often linked by marriage within caste to a network of kin alliances. The preferred marriage for a male is to his mother’s brother’s daughter or to a lesser extent his father’s sister’s daughter— or even his own elder sister’s daughter. It is not uncommon in southern India for a young man to marry his sister’s daughter. Some anthropologists have described the marriage system as an exchange of women among families with political and economic implications. Freudians analyzed the system and described it as a marriage that allows males to remain in the protection of their mother.
Marriages have traditionally been arranged by elders, often uncles and aunts. Girls are regarded as marriageable after their first menstruation although these days many women wait until much later to get married. Men generally get married when they are in their 20s. Most marriages are regarded as religious matters and are not registered with the state.
The wedding ceremony is generally performed by a Brahman priest or a caste priest at the home of the bride. The bride’s family pays for most expenses of the wedding and is expected to provide a dowry, whose value depends on the wealth and education level of the family. Large brass vessels are given as wedding presents. Most couples move in with the groom’s family or at least into his village.
Divorce is difficult to obtain for couples of castes that have high social expectations, but separations a and new alliances or marriages are common among those not belonging to higher castes. Widow marriage is forbidden or at least uncommon among Brahmans and other high castes.
Rajput and Rajasthan Marriage
Child marriages have been outlawed since 1929 but are still common in some parts of rural Rajasthan. At upper class and royal Rajput weddings, the groom wears a golden turban and a string of emeralds around his neck. The wedding procession features caparisoned elephants and prancing horses. Before a Rajput wedding of a son of a raja the groom sits on a throne where he is entertained by dancing girls. The bride's face is covered. The government has limited the amount of food and drink that can be served to eliminate the extravagant of the past. [Source: Raghubir Singh, National Geographic, February 1977]
Child marriage is still practiced among the Rabari o Rajasthan. During the marriage ceremony a child bride of four or five accompanies her groom to the house of his parents where she stays for a few days before returning to her family. The groom, who is usually a couple of years older wears a red turban and has a red streak of paint running down his nose. A married female receives a dowry of sheep from her husband’s family and inherits her mothers jewelry when she diea. Rabari women don't wear a veil and they can shop without being chaperoned.
Marriage Among Indian Himalayan Groups
Pahari is a term that is used to refer to mountain dwelling people and is generally used to describe Indo-European-speaking peoples of the Himalayas in north India and Nepal. Marriages are expected be within caste and outside clan. Bride price are paid rather than dowries. Polygamy is allowed. It is sometimes between a man and sisters. In some places polyandry is practiced and is regarded as ideal. Marriages sometimes used take place when children were as young as eight but now take place mostly after puberty when girls are at least 13 and boys are at least 16. Divorce is generally easy to get and usually requires the return of the bride price. Children stay with the father’s family after divorce.
The Ladakhis are a Tibetan Buddhist people that inhabit Ladakh, which is part of Jammu and Kashmir state but shares a 1,500 mile border with Tibet. Until recently polyandry was practiced widely in Ladakh and many people said they had two fathers. If an eldest daughter married an eldest son, the next oldest brother of the son also married the girl. The eldest brother was the head of the household but if he left on a caravan or to herd sheep he was replaced by next brother. If their was a third son he remained single, became a monk, or married a widow or the daughter a family with no sons.
Tribal Marriages in India
Some tribal people of central India practice an interesting permutation of the southern pattern. Among the Murias of Bastar in southeastern Madhya Pradesh, as described by anthropologist Verrier Elwin, teenagers live together in a dormitory (ghotul ), sharing life and love with one another for several blissful years. Ultimately, their parents arrange their marriages, usually with cross-cousins, and the delights of teenage romance are replaced with the serious responsibilities of adulthood. In his survey of some 2,000 marriages, Elwin found only seventy-seven cases of ghotul partners eloping together and very few cases of divorce. Among the Muria and Gond tribal groups, cross-cousin marriage is called "bringing back the milk," alluding to the gift of a girl in one generation being returned by the gift of a girl in the next.*
The Gonds are regarded as the largest tribal group in India and are one of the largest tribal groups in the world. They live primarily in eastern Madhya Pradesh. The Gonds have liberal views about premarital sex but frown upon adultery, which they believe is punished by ancestral spirits and may cause crop failures or epidemics. Marriage entails the payment of a bride-price by the groom’s family and are often arranged when the bride and groom are very young. The marriage is sanctified when the couple walks seven times around a pole erected in a wedding booth. Cross-cousin marriages are preferred; polygamy is only practiced by men who are rich enough to support more than one wife. Marriage by capture used to be common. Divorce is relatively easy to get. The Gondis in Madhya Pradesh practice polyandry. A single woman may have four or five husbands.
Among the Irula, a Scheduled tribe that lives in northern Tamil Nadu and the Nilgiri Hills, the marriage process used to be initiated by a trial cohabitation initiated with a delivery of firewood to the bride’s family’s house by the groom but this is no longer practiced. A standard bride price is paid in the presence of elders. The marriage ceremony revolves around the tying of a necklace around the brides neck. If a wife is unable to produce a child the husband is allowed to take a second wife. Some women have tattoos and wear toe rings.
The Bhils are the third largest tribal group in India. They live primarily in Madhya Pradesh, Gujarat, Rajasthan and Maharashtra. The Bhil marry when they are very young, typically when the girl is between 11 and 13 and the boy is 14 to 16. Girls are expected to be virgins when they marry and polygamy is allowed but high bride prices keep the custom from being widely practiced. Young couples generally move to the village of the groom and are given a few cattle but are often are dependent on their parents in the first years of marriages. One of the biggest holiday celebrations features men trying to claim a poll with some candy at the top while drunken women beat them with sticks. The man who gets the candy is regarded as clever and throws his treasure to the crowd.
Among the Abor of Assam, most marriage are monogamous, Premarital sex is common and encouraged. Divorce is fairly common. Absolute authority resides with the husband-father. All property descends through the male line. Young children are raised by their parents until they reach adolescence when they move to the boys and girls dormitories. Among the Garos in Meghalaya in northeast India, kinship is determined through the mother and property is handed down through the female line. There are strict rules about marriage with young men preferably marrying their mother’s brothers daughter in an arranged marriage. After marriage the man moves into the residence of his wife. Even so men are regarded as the heads of the households and decision-makers about property. Women do most of the domestic chores, field work and make beer and men do the heavy work like clearing fields and constructing houses.
Toda Marriage and Polyandry
The Toda are tribal pastoral people who live in the Nilgiri Hills in southern India. Marriage for the Toda have traditionally been regarded as an alliance in which a male married a female of any age—preferably the mother’s brother’s daughter to the father’s sister’s daughter— and she entered the male’s patriarchal family. Negotiations for the marriage often began when the coup was two or three and continued until the reached maturity and the couple was married and move to the hamlet of the groom.
Most marriages are monogamous although polyandry was common in the past. Traditional arranged marriages are often broken by elopement. Once a marriage is formalized it is rarely broken in part because a divorce casts great shame and disgraces the family. Toda have traditionally rarely married outsiders.
Toda practiced polyandry in the old day because there were of the shortage of women. A woman took several husbands (as opposed to polygamy, where a man has several wives). According to anthropologists the Nilgiri Hills and the Himalayas are the only places on earth where polyandry has been practiced. One of the problems with polyandry is that it leads to an increase in venereal disease. In 1871, four percent of the entire Toda population had syphilis.
Under Toda polyandry women married brothers, and the first child born going to the oldest brother, the second child to the second oldest and so on. The first husband was usually a cousin picked out for the bride when she was three-years-old. Once she was an adult she could an choose her own additional husband. Men were expected to bring gifts to the marriage: a shawl the first year, gold the second year and a buffalo the third year. Often times the father of a child was not known and a special ceremony was held in which the woman selected one of her husbands to care for the child even though he might not be the natural father. The ceremony was conducted at night and the selected "father" gave the pregnant mother a bow and arrow, symbolizing his willingness to care for the child.
Polygamy was also practiced. Some wealthy Toda men took a second or even third wife. In same cases both polygamy and polyandry were combined and brothers sometimes shared two or more wives. Needless to say some of the families were quite complex. Another custom that arose from the shortage of women was the institution of “marriage by capture.” This allowed men to take the wives of other men if they paid a compensation of buffalo to the former husband. Polyandry, polygamy and “marriage by capture” are rarely practiced anymore.
Marriage, Religion and the Caste System
There are often very strict rules barring marriages between members of different castes, even if the bride and groom come from similar level castes. Arranged marriage and child marriages have traditionally been set up in part to ensure the caste system status quo. Hypergamy is a system that allows women to marry men of higher caste but not a lower caste. Hindus that marry Muslims are often ostracized by their families.
Among the Nambudiri Brahmin in Kerala only the oldest son has traditionally been allowed to marry. Sometimes marriages are arranged at birth to stay within the confines of caste rules. Sometimes The oldest son took take as many as three wives. Dowries for girls were quite high and sometimes fathers took a second wife to save on the dowry for his daughter. Younger sons either remained celibate or formed semipermanent liaisons with somewhat lower matrilineal castes.
The cost of breaking caste rules in regards to marriage is sometimes death. In January 2001 in a village in Rajpura, a young man and young girl were killed by their families and secretly cremated to destroy the evidence. The young man and woman had just gotten married. The groom was from the Gulkra caste which is few notches above the bride's Nai caste. Murders like this are rarely punished because villagers usually band together to keep word of the incident leaking out.
In the early 2000s, a 19-year-old Brahmin man and his 18-year-old Jat lover were hanged from a roof in front of a crowd of several hundred people in Alipur village in Uttar Pradesh state. Families of the couple not only did not try to stop the lynching, they were arrested for encouraging the mob and participating in the hanging.
Child Marriages in India
Some parents in India begin marriage arrangements on the birth of a child, but most wait until later. In the past, the age of marriage was quite young, and in a few small groups, especially in Rajasthan, children under the age of five are still united in marriage. In rural communities, prepuberty marriage for girls traditionally was the rule. In the late twentieth century, the age of marriage is rising in villages, almost to the levels that obtain in cities. Legislation mandating minimum marriage ages has been passed in various forms over the past decades, but such laws have little effect on actual marriage practices. [Source: Library of Congress *]
Laws banning child marriages have been on the books since 1929 that outlaw child marriages and stipulate a bride has to be 18 and a groom 21. Even so hundreds of child marriages—some involving infants but most with children around seven—are held every year in various parts of Indian, particularly Rajasthan, where by some counts 1 percent of girls are married before age 10. The custom is common in. their places too. In Andhara Pradesh half the women are illiterate and married before the age of 15.
Child marriage have traditionally been the norm among some castes. Many Hindus believe a girl should be married at puberty. For some castes it is shameful for a girl to still be at home when she has reached puberty. It is not unusual if they have had children before their thirteenth birthday.
Child marriages were common in the past because the union of the family was regarded as more important than the union of the bride and groom, which in turn was because the young daughter had to live with the husband’s extended family. The arrangement was mutually convenient for both families: the bride's parents didn't have to support their daughter for very long, and the groom's family gained an unpaid, virtual slave and sometimes a dowry. Another advantage was that girls were so young they were virtually guaranteed to be virgins and there were no worries about children being born out of wedlock.
Percentage of women who married before age 18 in the early 2000s: 65 percent among women between 40 and 44; and 50 percent among women between 20 and 24.
Life of Indians Married as Children
A typical child marriage in a remote village features an 11-year-old boy who is betrothed to six-year-old girl. Once they are old enough to make money they get married. A survey in 1951 revealed that were 3 million husbands and 6 million wives between the ages of 5 and 14. Among those who were married or engaged as children where Mahatma Gandhi and the present leader of India Narendra Modi.
During the engagement process, or even during a kind informal marriage ceremony, a child bride of four or five accompanies the groom to the house of his parents where she stays for a few days before returning to her family. In Rajasthan, the groom, who is usually a couple of years older, wears a red turban and has a red streak of paint running down his nose. "In Rajasthan ceremonies, children are pronounced man and wife on the first and second days of the full moon cycle in May, considered an auspicious time by Hindus. [Source: by Robyn Davidson, National Geographic September 1993]
After the bride and groom are united in sacred rites attended by colorful ceremony, the new bride may be carried away to her in-laws' home, or, if she is very young, she may remain with her parents until they deem her old enough to depart. A prepubescent bride usually stays in her natal home until puberty, after which a separate consummation ceremony is held to mark her departure for her conjugal home and married life.
Most child brides are kept at home until they have matured. When the brides reach maturity and go to their husband’s house they are often afraid and in tears. In a ritual which is said to prove who will govern the marriage the groom and bride see who can grab a piece of jewelry irst in a bowl of turmeric water. [Source: Doranne Wilson Jacobson, National Geographic August 1977]
In some child marriages the groom returns home, leaving his wife behind until she reaches puberty. Sometimes she comes over to visit and the children play. Over time the bride and groom get to know each other and the bride gradually becomes accepted and becomes comfortable with the groom’s family. When a bride leaves at around 15 to consummate the marriage with her husband the bride and groom's shawls are tied together and the brother of the bride touches her foot to bid her farewell.
Child Marriages Events in India
In December, 2006, the Rajya Sabha, or upper house of India's Parliament, approved the legislation. The legislation has to be approved by the Lok Sabha, or lower house of Parliament, to become law. Priests and others could face up to two years in jail and a fine of Rs100,000 (Dh8.074) for marrying minors. [Source: Gulf News]
In May 2005, ignoring laws that ban child marriages, hundreds of children, some as young as seven years old, were married in a centuries-old custom in Rajgarh, about 105 kilometres northwest of Bhopal, India. The same month, a man with a sword cut off both hands of a government official in in the Bhangarh village for trying to stop child marriages. Child marriage is still prevalent in some rural pockets of Madhya Pradesh.
In May 2005, police arrested a 12-year-old bridegroom, his 10-year-old bride and 20 other people in a northern Indian village on charges of promoting child marriage during a Hindu wedding ceremony in Nangla Hareru, a village nearly 80km northeast of New Delhi. In April 2002, nearly 3,000 children were married off during a Hindu festival in the central Indian state of Chattisgarh. Most of the children were between four and 13 years old and did not even know the name of the partners to whom they were being married. In December 2002, a 15-year-old boy was married to a 10-year-old girl in this northern Indian town, Meerat in violation of the Child Marriage Act, following which 20 people, including the groom, were arrested.
Child Marriages to Old Middle Eastern Men
Child brides of ten and eleven are sometimes bought by rich Persian Gulf Arabs. Muslim families are often happy to ship off their daughters of the Mideast and earn some cash instead of having pay out a huge dowry demanded by Indian grooms. Arab men seek Indian wives because they are regarded as obedient and they cost less than women in their home countries. A former India ambassador to Saudi Arabian told the Los Angeles Times, "They have to pay a lot more for a wife there. The impression is that India women make good wives , that they put the interest of the man first." [Source: Dexter Filkins, Los Angeles Times, November 15, 1997]
The Los Angeles Times described one 15-year-old who had been selected from 25 girls by a toothless Arab from the Persian Gulf at a hotel in Hyderabad. The man paid her parents $30, took her to the Middle East to live with his three other wives and then kicked her out of the house after she bore him a son. "He asked me if I liked him. I just nodded," the girl said. "I tried not to consider his physical appearance. I thought if I got married, I would alleviate my family's misery.
Some of the marriages work out but many end badly after a brief time. Many of the girls arrive in the Mideast to find that wanted only for sex and housework. The girls often return to their homes humiliated and disgraced and unable to find a new husband even though many of the girls are only in their teens. Girls that bore children aren't even allow to visit them. Sometimes the girls end up in families with three wives and over a dozen children and find that their "husbands" are interesting in making money of them by forcing them into belly dancing and prostitution.
The matches are arranged for a finders fee by a network of hotels and brokers. Usually the way it works is a man from the Middle East arrives in a city such as Hyderabad and makes it known that he is looking for a wife. Word gets around and marriage brokers try to round up a group of girls for the man to check out at one time under one roof. Many of the men are just looking for a good time and often the girls are dropped after one night with their virginity and reputation shattered, making it hard for them to find a husband.
Inter-Village Marriage Murders
In some places marriage between people living in the same village is as much of crime as incest. In March 2003, a couple in the village of Sarendhi, about 65 kilometers outside of Agra, were killed by the young woman’s three brother as they tried to elope. One villager told the New York Times, “In our society, all families living in a village are all sons and daughters of the whole village. We are like brother and sisters. The marriage of bothers and sisters is not accepted,” Making matters worse; the would be Romeo was a Hindu belonging to the Bari caste and the would-be Juliet was a Muslim Pathan.
One couple in Simla that defied village custom by marrying each other even though they were from the same village were hacked to death in 1999 by the girl's family while a large crowd looked on. In Simla, marrying someone on the same village, is equated with marrying a brother or sister. The murders were a way of restoring honor to the families of the shameful bride and groom.
The Hindustan Time reported that one bride became outraged with her prospective husband who got drunk at their wedding and began insulting everyone in sight. The bride responded positively when another asked her for her hand in marriage and the bride and the new groom were married later that night.
A Hindu priest in West Bengal was arrested for allegedly "marrying" a 4-year-old girl with a dog, the Press Trust of India reported. The priest, the girl's father and the dog's owner, who reportedly offer money for the girl, were all jailed.
Makkal Osai reported that a man killed his sister and her child, chopped up their bodies and threw them into the Ganges for marrying against the family’s wishes. Police said Sanjana Devi, 22, and Gungun Kumari, three, were killed at Gulab Bagh, about 50 kilometers from Patna in Northern India. The Star, August 28, 2012]
Image Sources:
Text Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Times of London, Lonely Planet Guides, Library of Congress, Ministry of Tourism, Government of India, Compton’s Encyclopedia, The Guardian, National Geographic, Smithsonian magazine, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, AP, AFP, Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic Monthly, The Economist, Foreign Policy, Wikipedia, BBC, CNN, and various books, websites and other publications.
Last updated June 2015